


Eyeliner Crisis

by Anonymous



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Cliche, Fluff, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mentioned Other K-pop Artist(s), Originally Posted on Wattpad, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Suspension Of Disbelief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26297068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Make-up store part-timer Park Chanyeol deems that it's too late in the evening for a customer to walk up to the check-out counter and slam down baskets full of every piece of eyeliner in their store.Even if they're in a so-called 'eyeliner crisis'. Even if they're cute. Especially the latter.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Everyone/Everyone (heavily implied)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6
Collections: Anonymous





	1. chanyeol's sleep crisis

**Author's Note:**

> This entire fic is dedicated to 4 and El.
> 
> I've recently unlocked memories from 2018 and remembered the existence of my old Wattpad account. This was one of the fics I posted there. It's tentatively discontinued (considering the ending of the last chapter, this might as well as be finished)—though I may continue it since I discovered that I had a plot and everything planned out...
> 
> I wrote this as a sort-of coping mechanism (lmao, when do I not) and did not care at the lack of realism. It's fanfic, so who cares if there's "love"/attraction at first sight? Rereading this, I'm genuinely proud that I wrote stuff like this before. Wattpad was a great place to receive feedback and support, such a shame that the app went downhill. Oh, well.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and loved. Stay safe and happy, everyone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chanyeol's sleep crisis and his inevitable gay thoughts.

Park Chanyeol couldn't wait to get home and blast TVXQ!'s Mirotic album on repeat.

Not only did he leave his earphones at home, but he's left to suffer at some ungodly hour (by that he means around 23:00) in a make-up store breathing and running on nothing but air and cheap convenience store coffee. Yes, he is _absolutely_ enjoying his time behind the counter with the occasional human interaction. In the words of SHINee's Ring Ding Dong, everything's just _so fantastic_.

So, when is he gonna get himself an Oscar?

A buzzing warmth continues to tickle his fingertips, like the adrenaline rush he gets when he realizes that a cockroach he stepped on is still alive. His pupils have probably dilated to give him the harassed appearance of someone on drugs. _Then again, when do I_ not _look haggard_ , he thinks as he adjusts an askew lipstick display. The caffeine does do him good by keeping his blood pumping and hot against the freezing chill of winter.

After a quick check on the product placements, Chanyeol idly strides back to the counter, mentally preparing himself for any night buyers that stop by for the late-night deals _._ There are people out there who took their beauty products _very_ seriously. He shudders.

The familiar sound of the doorsopening rings in his ears. Chanyeol proceeds to straighten his back and busies himself in rechecking sales logs and receipts.

He can't get fired for incompetency _now_. There is just a _little_ bit more before his shift is over, then he can go home and fawn over idols and sleep for ten more centuries.

The numbers he's staring at looks like _English_ to him (readable but completely _indecipherable_ , where are the subtitles when he needs them?), his eyes skimming over information about buyers and tax free gibberish. He scribbles a few equations on the sales report and pokes his calculator, pleased that he has a chance of higher pay with the sales goals exceeded.

 _SLAM_.

"Hi, hello, good evening. I'm, uh, Byun Baekhyun, nice to meet you. Please check this _all_ out because I am in the middle of an eyeliner crisis."

Chanyeol startles at the sudden drop of a basket in front of him. He watches dumbfounded asthe guy in front of him ( _Byun_ _Baekhyun_ , his mind reminds him) places a few more of the tiny makeup baskets on top of the counter, arranging them to fit on the space _._

They're all filled to the brim with rectangular boxes. It takes the cashier a few moments to realize that _all_ the baskets held one single product.

 _Eyeliner_.

Chanyeol blinks slowly, _What the actual holy fuck._

He looks up, believing that the gods above are deceiving him and that this is just his mind's crazy way of telling him to go homeand stop reading bizarre manga. _This Baekhyun is actually really, really cute_. He eyes the unholy amount of eye products, wondering what sort of crisis this guy was going through.

Shaking his head and deciding to go with the flow, the cashier prepares the largest paper bag he could find and goes on to painstakingly scan every item in the baskets. Fascinated, he watches the total bill go higher and higher. Those won signs scared him, thus he briefly wonders if this guy has some rich mom to fund his beauty escapades.

"My friends have a habit of stealing my eyeliner and using them up and then returning them back to me," Baekhyun's voice makes him look up to meet the other's eyes, "so I thought, why not help fund a make-up store by buying _all_ their eyeliner? I have no idea why they target my _eyeliner_ and not my lipstick or eyeshadow or foundation, though..."

Chanyeol hums in agreement as the other continues to ramble, feeling a bit more at ease as his hands did all the work to beep and tuck away the products.

Unconsciously, he studies Baekhyun's features. He could be _ulzzang_ with his striking eyes and unique lips, and the make-up _enhanced_ his already attractive features. No wonder he's an eyeliner hoarder, he _knows_ exactly how to use it and has, most likely, mastered the art of stabbing a bitch with one.

 _Looks like you've been caught by some gay thoughts, Chanyeol._ _Keep the gay to a minimum, be professional. PROFESSIONAL_ —

"...Why are you staring, oh my God, do I have something on my face? I'm sorry if I'm annoying you"—Baekhyun's rambling begins to slow down as he glances at Chanyeol's nametag—"Park Chanyeol-ssi." He finishes quietly, nervously wringing his hands together and fidgeting in an unexpected shyness.

The cashier's face heats up a bit at getting caught ogling a customer. Words are suddenly becoming hard to remember. _Reply in a not-obviously-homo way, Chanyeol_ , he internally screams at himself, _don't fuck up, you gay son of a_ —

"It's just that you're really, _really_ pretty."

Immediately, Chanyeol's life flashes before his eyes as he contemplates jumping off a tall building. Baekhyun freezes, swallowing deeply and eyes widening in surprise. The cashier looks down and hurries to speed-scan the make-up, feeling his blush deepen thirty shades darker. "Um, s-sorry, that was out of the blue, I'm sorry for staring and—"

Baekhyun buries his head in his hands, saying, "No, no, it's okay— like, uh, thank you for the compliment and, yeah."

 _You had one job, Chanyeol_.

His hand twitches and he nearly drops the last eyeliner in a display of his endless poise and grace, all while praying to the heavens above that he did not forget to check out anything. If a higher up ever sees him like this, he's sure he'd get fired on the spot. He's more grateful, though, that his co-part-timer, Jongdae, finished his shift earlier because if that camel-dinosaur human ever sees Chanyeol being _more_ of a mess than usual, the taller is honestly going to burst into flames on the spot.

"...So, um, will you pay in cash or ca- _credit_?" he asks, taping the paper bag shut and testing its durability. It takes miraculous willpower to ignore the weird fuzziness in his stomach that was definitely _not_ from the coffee. He still can't look at Baekhyun in the eye, so he keeps his gaze low and attention on the register.

The shorter reaches into his pocket and takes out a sleek black wallet. "Cash, please." He places a few large digit won bills then rummages for spare change.

 _Ka-ching_ , Chanyeol can almost hear the sound effect in his head as he carefully counts the money, surprised to find exact payment.

In the distance, his wallet weeps in its abyss-like emptiness.

After tucking away the cash and watching the long, _long_ receipt print out, he takes out the customer copy and hands it to Baekhyun together with the paper bag. "Thank you very much, please come again." _Please do_ , his mind telepathically begs the shorter.

Finally mustering the courage to make eye contact, he watches as Baekhyun takes his things with a polite bow. "Thank you, I will." The reply is soft, but makes Chanyeol softer at hearing it. _His voice is beautiful; I could listen to it all day_.

Baekhyun drops something onto the tray, coughing slightly. "It's nice meeting you, Park Chanyeol-ssi."

With that, he turns on his heel and exits the store in a fast pace.

Chanyeol feels a pang of emptiness watching the shorter leave. Shaking his head, he takes the discarded receipt, discarding it to the trash when a different piece of paper left behind catches his eye. He picks it up and exhales.

"Oh my God."

The business card is light in weight but feels heavy in his hands, like a treasure bestowed upon him by the gods. Neatly printed _Hangul_ stares at him and he stares back.

_Byun Baekhyun_  
_Student_  
_byun.baekhyun@smtown.com_

Underneath the email is an unmistakable set of digits.

" _He left me his number_."


	2. jongdae's wingman crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongdae's wingman crisis and his ever-growing wish for the apocalypse.

**> yoda i am**   
_JONGGAYU KNOW PEOPLE RITE ??? SOS I NEED UR HELP_

_THERE WAS THIS RLLY RLLY CUTE BOY NAMED BYUN BAEKHYUN AT WORK AND HE GAVE ME HIS NUMBER_

_WE CHATTED UNTIL 6 THEN HE HAD TO GO_

_I'M A PANICKED GAY WHO LOST SLEEP BC OF GAY THOUGHTS SEND H E L P_

Kim Jongdae squints at the notifications blaring on his phone, all too lazy to scroll up the many messages left by his friend. He glances at the time, wondering if it was the hour to not be a bitch. Tapping his finger on the side of his gadget in contemplation, he sends his eloquent reply.

**dinosaur rawr <**   
_what_

_chanyeol_

_it's eight in the morning_

_go back to sleep_

**> yoda i am**   
_SO ?? GAY THOUGHTS DON'T SLEEP_

_AND IT'S SUNDAY WTF BRO ENJOY LIFE_

**dinosaur rawr <**   
_,,, boy i'm, like, 69x gayer than u_

_i'm coming over fINE u bastard_

_AFTER i make up for my lost beauty sleep bc fuck waking up early and enjoying life it's sUnDaY_

_good night_

**> yoda i am**   
_nO DON'T LEAVE_

_I HAVE F O O D_

_JONGGAY_

**dinosaur rawr <**  
. . .

_actually coming over sounds like a great idea_

_i expect_ _food and a warm heater or i'm suing u for fraud_

Motivated by the prospect of free food, Jongdae shuts his phone before Chanyeol could do any take-backs. He stretches, groaning at the audible clicks from his back. The thought of sleeping a few more minutes temps him, but he resists and untangles himself from the mountain of blankets and comforters.

A soft hum makes its way out of his lips as he sits up and goes to fix himself up.

Putting his phone volume on its loudest, he showers and does all the necessary hygienic stuff to the music. " _Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I-I-I first, for you, for you, for you I fell. Fell, fell, fallen baby_." A memory of his old friends flashes in his head, their threat that he should try to pursue singing seriously or expect them to hitch a train to Seoul to kick his ass. _Mental note to look up a nice performing arts university or ask Yeollie for a collab._

Right, it's easy to forget that adulthood is a thing. _Responsibilities_ , Jongdae shudders.

**※** **※** **※** **※** **※**

Half an hour later, he's punching in the pin to Chanyeol's flat. "I'm comin' in, Yoda!" he announces, "don't be jacking off in there!"

A soft "come in!" is heard through the door, so he takes this as a good sign to open the door and enter the apartment. He double checks that he properly closed the door before taking off his shoes. Slipping on the house slippers and shrugging off his coat, he pretends to ice skate on the slippery floor as he reaches the living room.

" _Where's the food_?" he immediately asks, gliding in the direction of the couch and throwing himself beside his friend's body. "Oh, and mornin', Yoda." The comment is muffled through the seat, but Chanyeol seems to understand anyway.

He can't see what the taller is doing but he hears shuffling, as if an arm is pointing somewhere. "There's microwavable food in the fridge if you're dying of hunger. But I ordered pizza and there are pineapples if you're wondering."

Jongdae snaps his head up. "You ordered pineapples on _pizza_? That sounds faker than me becoming a member of 2NE1," he proclaims in outrage. Smacking his friend in the arm, peeking over to see what he was doing on his laptop. "What, does Mr. Eyeliner Crisis like pineapples on pizza too?"

"As a matter of fact, Kim Jong _gay_ , Baekhyunnie does."

For a brief moment, the older feels like the whole world has betrayed him. He's going to pack his bags and move to another dimension if it means escaping the horrors of the pizza debate. "You're gathering your army to fight me on the truth, you _trai_ —" he halts mid-word as he sits up, finally processing the other's words and his jaw drops to the floor. " _Baekhyunnie_?"

Chanyeol's face looks like it doesn't know if it wants to pale in horror or turn red in embarrassment.

Maybe both as he splutters, "I-it's his user chat handle and is very cute." Just because Jongdae's friend is an unintentional masochist, he adds more fuel to the fire. "No—um, the _username_ is cute not Baekhyu—no, no, erase that, Baek is cute too... but not in _that_ way, I can appreciate a cute person without my raging homosexuality setting my insides on fire. Which they're not, by the way. Swear."

Jongdae watches with a lack of pity as his friend descends into an endless cycle of regret before declaring:

"You are _whipped_."

The taller turns his head to him in adamant denial and lies between his teeth, "I am _not_." Maybe if his face isn't a dark shade of red, Jongdae would believe him, but, no, the older is a piece of shit so he just grins, sits properly, and pats the taller in the back.

"You should text him," he orders, "plan a date or two or twenty. This is a sign that I gotta get me my own date, like this one cute guy I saw hanging out with a bunch of Chinese-speaking people. Always hangs out around cafés. It doesn't qualify as stalking if the places I want to chill at matches his location, don't give me that look! Anyway, he has squishy cheeks and looks _really_ huggable, I'm soft."

Chanyeol groans and shuts his editing software. "You're not helping, at least Baekhyunnie _gave_ me his number. Plus, I'm sure there are beautiful girls out there, he probably isn't even _gay_."

" _Bro._ My gaydar is sensing that he has a raging boner for you." Jongdae takes out his phone and scrolls up through their private messages. "One of your hundred messages explicitly stated that he was 'redder than the deepest ofcherries' when he talked to you and he reminded you of 'a puppy you just want to take care of'. It won't hurt to meet-up, plus, you have _me_ to kick his ass if he hurts you."

"...You tried to fight a wall once and ended up injuring yourself."

He lets out a whine of protest. "That was _one_ time. _Besides_ , you thought about being a model before, _right_? No homo, but you have the looks of a god and are pretty attractive yourself. Just _text_ him."

"I don't want to disturb him in his work or whatever," the taller weakly protests, "I kept him up all night and he has to suffer with little to no sleep."

"Good point, but trying doesn't hurt! He could probably be lazing around watching Running Man. In a month or so, you'll be getting little to no sleep keeping each other up _all_ night in fun ways." Jongdae wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Or I could text him myself, I know your PIN anyway."

After a few moments of silence, Chanyeol sighs in defeat and opens up the messaging app on his desktop.

Peeking at the exposed chat log, Jongdae rests his head on the other's shoulder. "A 'goodbye !!!' followed by five hearts doesn't sound that straight to me."

"Nor does 'he has squishy cheeks and looks _really_ huggable', but do you see _me_ complaining?" he retorts in an imitation of Jongdae's whiny voice.

"I do _not_ sound like that!" he exclaims, "Stop stalling and get yourself some dick!"

**chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli <**   
_b a e k_

_are you there_

_answer me_

_i'm holding all your eyeliner hostage_

A minute or so later, Jongdae gets impatient waiting for a reply. Maybe Mr. Eyeliner Crisis _is_ out or doing part-time work. He could be spending this time asking for that cute guy's number. Alas, his job as a wingman overpowers his crush as a new message appears.

 **> baekhyunnie ** **♡**  
 _bitch not the eyeliner_

_is this an invitation for a fight??_

"More like an invitation for a fuck." Chanyeol hits him but he cackles loudly anyway. "You know it's true, Yoda. Now's your chance to seduce your man."

 **> baekhyunnie ** **♡**  
 _if u're going to take something from me take sehun_

_he's the little shit i talked to u abt_

_my life would be better w/o him_

**chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli <**   
_don't be rude to your friend !!_

_actually instead of sehun i was wondering if i could take you out instead?_


	3. baekhyun's gay crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baekhyun's gay crisis and his friend's glorious cooking.

After coming to terms with the fact that he exposed his gay ass at a cosmetics shop, Byun Baekhyun could confidently say that he is 100% ready for the devil to command the earth to swallow him up into the realm of eternal suffering.

Okay, _maybe_ not 100%... maybe a 69% if there's a cute guy in hell.

_It'll only be a hundred if Chanyeol is there_. Baekhyun groans at the feeling of his stomach doing backflips. feeling the urge to curl up into a ball. They texted each other the moment he got home to well past _sunrise_ until a certain piece of shit ( _a dongsaeng named Oh 'Bitch' Sehun_ ) barged into his room and demanded that they look for hidden gems in the convenience store because "everyone is asleep and poor and I know Junmyeon generously gave you funds for your eyeliner, hyung".

Baekhyun is no stranger to all-nighters, but sometimes he contemplates murder.

So far, after his impromptu food haul with Sehun, he's done nothing but stare at the ceiling while being haunted by gay feelings. He _wants_ to message Chanyeol, but he doesn't want to disturb the taller. Also, he might confess that he may be a little gay for him, which, in South Korea, is still a bit taboo. Nonetheless, no matter how hard he tries to get his infatuation in check, it just springs up stronger than ever. He just wants to bury his face into his pillows and never face the world again.

Deciding to distract himself by seeing if anyone is around to bug them and keep _them_ awake, he makes the difficult decision to slowly get up from the bed and head into the direction of their shared kitchen.

"Good morning, prostitute," Kyungsoo greets him as soon as he enters the dining area. The smell of something delicious wafts through the air and his mouth begins to water. He believes Kyungsoo is from the depths of hell, _but_ the man can cook a great meal and does not give a single fuck whether Baekhyun is attracted to males, females, or eyeliner.

_Food first, sleep next,_ then _it's time to bug the hell out of people_. "Mornin', Satan," he murmurs.

For a brief moment, he eyes the coffee maker on the counter. No one really uses it besides the two eldest hyungs, Minseok and Luhan, but it seems like the best way to keep himself awake to get the first hot and piping serving of Kyungsoo's godly food.

He eventually decides against it and sits at the dining table; accidentally destroying the coffee maker or using up the limited supply of caffeine is _not_ an ideal way to piss of his elders and, in turn, die a painful death. Speaking of people, he briefly wonders what the others are doing. Catching up on sleep, studying, _socializing_ with the outside world.

"Soo-yah, what's for breakfast?"

Kyungsoo pauses in his singing, turning his head slightly at Baekhyun's direction. "Fried rice with kimchi, I'm experimenting a recipe I found."

He nods and the younger resumes cooking. Taking out his phone, Baekhyun is pleasantly surprised to see a text message.

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_b a e k_

_are you there_

_answer me_

_i'm holding all your eyeliner hostage_

Ignoring the swooning of his heart, he raises his eyebrows at the most recent message. _Chanyeollie, you're cute and all, but no one fucks with my eyeliner_ , he thinks, fingers flying across the keyboard.

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_bitch not the eyeliner_

_is this an invitation for a fight??_

It doesn't take him more than a second to come up with a different sacrificial lamb for the sake of his make-up. Junmyeon will _kill_ him if the older ever catches wind of Baekhyun willingly sacrificing 'their dear maknae' to a make-up store employee. Consequences be damned, the 'sweet and innocent' maknae raided his make-up collection and disrupted his _beauty sleep_.

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_if u're going to take something from me take sehun_

_he's the little shit i talked to u abt_

_my life would be better w/o him_

A smile unconsciously appears on his face as he thinks back to their earlier convos where they jumped from topic to topic, never experiencing a awkward dead silence between messages. They clicked together rather nicely. His heart beats a little bit faster and a little bit louder at the prospect of becoming closer.

_Oh, hell, I'm too far gone_ , he thinks.

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_don't be rude to your friend !!_

Baekhyun bites his lip, ready to send an essay roasting the youngest when the familiar typing ellipsis appears on-screen. Strumming his free hand on the table, he cocks his head in anticipation.

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_actually instead of sehun i was wondering if i could take you out instead?_

He blinks once. He blinks again.

_Oh._

The screech he releases does not belong to a human being.

A flush of rosy color reaches his cheeks as a sudden giddiness rises within him. Incoherent sounds escape from his lips, the strange uncontrollable euphoria he gets when he's in the same room as his idols bubbling in his stomach. The forwardness of the message is abrupt and catches him off guard in a weirdly nice way.

He wants to flop around and release the rush of dopamine. Restlessly twitching in his seat and eyes wide, he _stares_ at the message.

"Oh, _fuck me_."

Baekhyun screams in surprise when a bowl is set in front of him.

"No, thanks. I don't think Sehunnie wants to either," Kyungsoo states, "what's up with you?" The younger neatly arranges the bowls and utensils per seat, taking off his apron and hanging it.

"Go suck on Jongin's face, Satan, I'm _busy_."

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. "Hmm, maybe later. Were you asked out on a date or something?" He must be seeing the answer in Baekhyun's panicked face because he follows-up with, "Just say yes, don't be a cowardly bitch for once in your life, Byun." But Baekhyun is made up of 100% cowardly bitch material, what is he supposed to do then?

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_sORRY LATE REPLY but um sure!!_

_where tho?_

It takes a while for a reply to appear, and, in that small span of time, the three dots on the screen have become Baekhyun's biggest fear. _Did I say something wrong?_ he internally screams, _is he offended? Maybe he's taking back the offer and—_

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**  
 _oh my gOD YOu dont have to feel pressured im so sorry_ _my friend stole my phone for .5 seconds_

_but if you're still interested um_

_does cafe universe sound good ?_

Words are clogging in his brain like Korean suddenly isn't his first language. Baekhyun feels like a teenage girl, oglinghis crush and cooing (screaming) at every little thing about him. _Reply, think of something!_ Cafe Universe... isn't that the place his little circle of friends chill at every-so-often? _Phew_ , _somewhere familiar_.

It's, like, Socializing 101 to have meet-ups at public places unless you're completely sure both people have good intentions and not anything murderous because, honestly, Baekhyun is too beautiful to die.

(He believes and preaches so, anyway.)

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**  
 _i'm up for that_ ♡

_i'm free today unless u'd rather have it @ a diff place n time_

Okay, he just has to act cool and not his true panicking homosexual self. _What the fuck was that heart, Byun Baekhyu—_

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_yay !! :)_

_is today at 2 ish alright_ ?

The smiley face has Baekhyun soft and he lets out a squeal, flailing his hands around, nearly smacking someone beside him. "Oh, Jesus, sorry, hyung!" he squeaks out when he turns to face his victim.

"That's fine." Luhan is bad at hiding his amusement, there's a hint of mischievousness that makes him nervous. Baekhyun didn't even notice him sit down beside him nor realize that Kyungsoo's heavenly food was in front of him and waiting to be feasted upon.

Now that he's back in reality, he begins to process the awakening of the dorm. Footsteps and chatter could be heard from the living spaces and the bedrooms, there's the sound of a shower somewhere and someone screaming at someone else to hurry up with their make-up.

Baekhyun has his priorities, though, so he types one last message to (his crush) Chanyeol. He's never gonna live it down if word gets out that he has the hots for some cute make-up store part-timer with a love for music. It's not that his dormmates are homophobic, no, they're all aggressively supportive of that and each other, but they'll grill Chanyeol to see if he's 'worthy'. He does _not_ need them to scare the taller away or warm up to him and begin to share embarrassing stories of Baekhyun ripping his jeans or anything of the like. _No, nope, no thanks, no_.

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_sure!_

_i'll try to not be fashionably late for once_

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_byun baekhyun ?? fashionable ??_

_error 404 park chanyeol has stopped working_

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_u bITCH excuse me ???_

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_you're excused :)_

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_thAT'S IT I'M BREAKING UP W U_

_I'M TAKING THE KIDS & THE DOGS W ME_

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_b-but baekkie :((_

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_ur lucky i love u_

_hmph declare ur love for me by buying me eyeliner ₩₩₩_

_also did u just stutter in text_

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_you didn't see anything_

_i'll pay for later for your silence_

**baekhyunnie** **♡** ** <**   
_gASP deal! prepare ur wallet boy_

_no takebacks!!_

_also i have to go breakfast is waiting for moi_

_don't die w/o my glorious presence_

_bye bye_ ♡♡♡♡♡

**> chanyeollie chanyeollie give me the formuoli**   
_wah rip my wallet_

_eat well baekkie !! see you later :D_

Baekhyun shut his phone just in time before Kyungsoo smacks his back with a spatula. "Oi, the hyungs and maknaes are coming. No phones on the table," he scolds, "worry about your date later."

" _Our prostitute got a date_?" As Baekhyun opens his mouth to protest, Sehun takes the seat in front of him. The maknae raises his eyebrows in wonder. "Who's the lucky girl? Or guy."

"Little shit, if I was a prostitute, no one could afford me." Baekhyun huffs and pockets his phone. "And it's just a meet-up between friends, nothing more, nothing less."

Luhan snorts from beside him. "You've been staring at your phone like a lovestruck idiot with a permanent smile. Besides, sharing is caring. I can give you some pointers—"

"I'd rather not know about your escapades, Luhan-hyung," Baekhyun remarks, disgusted, "he and I are content in exploring our relationship on our own."

" _Meet-up between friends_ , huh," Minseok emphasizes, taking a sip from his coffee.

He gasps dramatically, watching as his friends turn on him one-by-one. "You're a traitor, Minseokkie-hyung!" Gripping his heart, he wonders if he could sink into the floor and disappear under the marble.

"So it's a he." Sehun has this smug smirk on his face that Baekhyun wants to smack _so_ badly. "Don't worry, hyung, I can help your hopeless fashion sense!" He uses this sickeningly sweet tone that contrasts his true nature as the spawn of the devil.

Rising from his seat, Baekhyun points a finger at the youngest. "My fashion sense is _not_ hopeless. I am your _hyung_ thus you should _respect_ me, you little—"

"Baekhyun-ah."

He snapped his head up. "Yes, Yifan-hyung?" The others quieted down at the presence of the elder, curious of what was to come. Baekhyun has a few moments of uncanny silence to think back if he did anything wrong.

_I have a date to go to and a man to stare at. I haven't been caught in any pranks on Yifan-hyung, have I?_

Yifan is studying him intently from the doorway of the kitchen, slowly entering the dining area. A bead of sweat trickles down his back. Those eyes are staring at him, as if judging him for being he drama queen bitch he is.

Then, as if he didn't make Baekhyun see the light, he turns to the fridge and simply states:

"Try the new Burberry coat you got from Tao, it goes well with your Chanel eye products."

Baekhyun gapes at his hyung as his traitorous friends howl with laughter.


	4. minseok's age crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minseok's age crisis and his exasperation at dealing with a lovestruck dongsaeng.

Times like this, Kim Minseok has the urge to retire from society and raise twenty cats instead of dealing with his friends' shit.

The only reason he hasn't become a social recluse has to be the entertainment value of his unpredictable peers, the occasional free food, and the fact that he sold his soul to a PhD program and there's no turning back. He's going to get himself a doctorate _even if it kills him_.

At least, hopefully before the stress kills him first.

" _Baekhyunnie-yah_ , please be careful. You'll trip and break your neck if you even _try_ to wear those high heels." Minseok wonders where the younger even _got_ the pair of tall black boots with heels sharp enough to cut someone. Then again, this is _Byun Baekhyun_ he's thinking about, the same guy that managed to evade punishment through making his mentors _laugh_.

Sehun, who claimed most of Baekhyun's bed and is hogging most of it with his _unfairly_ long limbs, looks up with a bored expression and suggests, "Just go with Yifan's suggestion, wear _those_ over your black shirt with the wolf face, the one with six gold intersecting lines, and those poofy, red-accented black pants you have. Save those heels for a bedroom roleplay fantasy and switch them out for black high-cut sneakers."

The eldest nearly chokes at the words 'bedroom roleplay fantasy', wondering if he heard it right.

He did, apparently, because Baekhyun screams, "YOU'RE, LIKE, _TWELVE,_ MAKNAE."

"I'm seventeen," is the curt reply, "and the age of consent in our country is thirteen."

"EXACTLY. YOU'RE _TWELVE_ ," the drama queen cries out, "my child has _grown up_. What has the world come to?" He falls to his knees, arms spread out and face gazing at the ceiling. Minseok can almost see his soul ascend from his body and lets out a sympathetic noise. It would've been dramatically cinematic if Baekhyun wasn't deadass wearing a ridiculous cartoony face mask in nothing but a _towel_.

There's silence.

It's quickly broken as Sehun deadpans, " _What_."

"You're being such a disrespectful child"—Baekhyun uses his middle finger to jab at the youngest's direction—"speaking of such _scandalous_ things. Thinking you're so high and mighty _just because_ you're freakishly tall and have the biggest ' _nose_ '—"

"Oh my _God_ , go suck on Chanyeol's dick instead." The maknae looks pleased at the compliment despite the dismissive nature of his voice, and Minseok gets the urge to search up ways of getting taller. "And _Junmyeonnie-hyung_ is my mom, not you, you're just the batshit crazy female family dog."

"Are you calling me a _bitch?_ "

"Yes."

BecauseMinseok feels a semblance of pity for his dongsaeng, he doesn't say ' _get wrecked, Baekhyunnie_ ' out loud. Instead, he reaches a cheese stick out in the younger's direction and attempts to diffuse the upcoming fire. "Now, now, Sehunnie-yah, he's more extra than usual because of this being a first for him. Here, Baek-ah, don't be too stressed."

" _Thank you_ , Minseokkie-hyung." The younger stands up and, unluckily for the eldest, the towel wrapped around Baekhyun's waist falls, exposing the place where the sun doesn't shine in all its... _glory_.

Minseok immediately uses the snack in his hand to cover what he'd rather not see.

Unfazed, Baekhyun rushes to snatch the free treat. "You're the best, hyung, better than a certain _someone_." He rips open the plastic wrapper with a vigor before adding, "And don't act like my dick is the worst thing you've ever seen, it's amazing." Taking a bite out of the snack, he plops down beside the eldest at Sehun's legs.

" _Please_. The worst thing _I've_ seen is your face."

"No one asked you, Maknae." Baekhyun huffs before taking another bite that decimates half of the remaining stick. Turning to Minseok, he asks, "Can we get ourselves a different maknae that's a little less bitch? I mean, Taemin might be willing to replace him."

The shortest hears ruffling and he's sure the maknae sat up in a flash in outrage. "I'm _irreplaceable_ ," he protests from behind the two, "where _else_ are you gonna get a one of a kind mak—"

Baekhyun continues, ignoring Sehun as if he's chopped liver, "...Or maybe _Seungri_ —no, wait, he roasts his hyungs too much." He nods to himself, letting out a satisfied noise and clasping his hands together. "I say we bug Jongin into kidnapping Taemin. We'll get a great dancer too."

What happens next should've surprised Minseok, but it doesn't.

Sehun releases a battle cry of "ORA, ORA, ORAAA" and promptly smacks Baekhyun from behind with a pillow. Baekhyun lets out an undignified squawk as he retreats to the floor to escape the onslaught of hits.

"Was that a _Jojo reference_?" Minseok wheezes out between laughs; maturity is overrated, anyway. " _Finish him!_ "

" _Unhand me,_ you foul motherfucking six feet villain!" Baekhyun trashes underneath the younger, with the latter straddling his hips and mercilessly burying his face in the fluffy pillow. " _This is sexual harassment!_ "

"No. Not until you say I'm the greatest maknae in the world." Sehun has one of the biggest shit-eating grins ever and Minseok feels glad that he's been a nice person to everyone he's met.

"You're the shittiest maknae in the world!"

" _Rude_. No mercy it is, then," the maknae discards the pillow before violently tickling the older's sides. "Tell me I'm pretty, _hyung_." He bats his eyelashes. Minseok regrets not cooking popcorn earlier, yeah, the stress of bearing his friends is worth it.

Baekhyun's hands are pushing and shoving in an attempt to get the youngest off, but his efforts are futile with the hearty laughter escaping his lips. "Little—fu—you're pretty—pretty _hideous_." Competitiveness shines in the pair's eyes, waiting for either one to give up. They both can get really stubborn when they feel like it and it's a sight to see.

Sehun intensifies the tickling.

" _Yah_. Stop! I surrender—little piece of weeaboo shit, _I will set your Death Note collection on fire_!"

Pure panic flashes on Sehun's face and he stops to scurry off his hyung. "I helped you pick out an outfit, hyung," he repents, bowing deeply on his knees. "I'm sorry that I have offended you. Take _anything_ but my manga. You can take _Tao_ for all I care. But know that I will literally cook all your eyeliner for dinner if you even _look_ at my merch without permission."

"Minseokkie-hyung, tame the maknae, please," Baekhyun pleads as he slides his butt backwards towards the bed, using the pillow as a makeshift shield, "the mood swinging shit is out to kill me, and I have a friend to meet in two hours! This apology is a ploy to murder me and you know it."

"' _Friend_ '," Minseok draws quotation marks in the air.

Raising an eyebrow, he silently awaits a bribe. He has to deal with his dongsaengs' shit everyday, so he might as well as demand some sort of free food or compensation in exchange for his power as the eldest hyung. Baekhyun obviously knows this because he bargains in defeat, "The largest size of any drink in the menu and any dessert of your choosing. My treat."

"Now we're talking." He hums in agreement. "How about that and  
coming with me for Christmas shopping?"

"Deal!" Baekhyun agrees so quickly that he regrets not asking for more food but, oh, well. "Begone this thot from my bedroom!"

At that, all the blood drains from the maknae's face as he quickly stands up, backing away slowly with wide eyes. "Wait, hyung, have _mer_ —"

Minseok cups his hands to his mouth and yells, "LUHAN, SEHUNNIE WANTS TO BUY BUBBLE TEA. EVERYTHING'S ON HIS TAB, HE SAYS." There's a brief second of silence before the door to Baekhyun's room is rudely slammed wide open with the second eldest standing at the door way.

"Free bubble tea? It's a date, then!" Luhan chirps, latching onto Sehun's arm. "Are you comin', Bāozi? _Sharing_ is _caring_."

The eldest shakes his head and Luhan continues to beam nonetheless, dragging Sehun towards the exit. "Oh, and before I forget," he reaches into the pockets of his black shorts and shoves something into Baekhyun's chest. He looks completely unfazed at the younger's nakedness and hovers his face inches away from the diva. "Remember: Use protection and practice safe _consensual_ sex."

"Luhan-hyung, what the fuck." Baekhyun's eyes are wide like saucers as he stares at what the elder gave him. Curiously craning his neck, Minseok sees two different things:

Three packets of condoms and a pocket-sized bottle of lubricant.

"It's for your own good." Luhan pats Baekhyun's hair before turning to Minseok and sending him an air kiss. He catches the kiss and places it to his lips before burying his hand over his heart. If it's possible, the grin on Luhan's lips grow wider at the gesture.

"Anyway, highway, Sehunnie and I have bubble tea to buy! Catch you losers later, just text if you need to buy something."

With that, the Chinese man drags the youngest away, not before Sehun sends a glare to Baekhyun that reads something like ' _this is all your fault, I would kill you if it wouldn't get me kicked out and you weren't older_ '. Baekhyun merely flips his short hair, posing with his fingers in a peace sign. Then, the door is shut.

Minseok stares at the sex products.

"They're both strawberry flavor, Luhan comes prepared," he compliments, amusement clear on his features.

"I didn't even ask for these _scandalous_ things," he cries out, carefully setting the things onto the bed, "I'm just a humble person who sings ballads and can learn the hardest choreos in 5 seconds because I'm a _dancing machine_."

"...Baek-ah, you tried doing the moonwalk and fell backwards onto your butt." Minseok raises an eyebrow, standing up to help the other get dressed. "And your obvious thirst for this _Chanyeol-ssi_ makes me want to throw up." Despite that, he pokes through the other's closet to help get Sehun (and Kris's) suggestions. He doesn't question the blatantly stolen clothes from their friends nor Minseok's own jacket that went missing a few days ago. In terms of clothes stealing, Minseok can't really talk because he has his own collection of newly claimed clothes and it's continuing to grow every passing day. _Oversized sweaters for the win!_

Laying the clothes on the bed, he's pleased to see Baekhyun in a more _decent_ state (in boxers and _not_ stark naked, though the decency of that is debatable) and taking off the _Shrek_ facemask. "Thank you, Minseokkie-hyung." The younger returns with a slightly dripping face and smiles at him, which Minseok gratefully returns. It's a moment of silent understanding between the two as he takes the black and gold shirt off the hanger and hands it to Baekhyun.

**※ ※ ※ ※ ※**

Thankfully, Baekhyun doesn't take twenty years to dress up and put on make-up (unlike Junmyeon), so it's thirty minutes earlier than the meeting time do Baekhyun and him leave to bike to the coffee shop.

" _Hyungieee_ ," Baekhyun whines as he locks his bike to the stand, "what if he doesn't want to be friends anymore? Or he's gonna stand me up and not arrive at all? _Hyung_ , I'm internally panicking. Do you think Luhan will lend me his woman wig? Maybe I could disguise myself as a schoolgirl..."

Minseok looks up just in time as the other back hugs him, the younger nuzzling the base of his neck in a burst of affection starvation. "Don't worry, Baekhyunnie-yah." He pats the other's soft locks, ruffling the hair fondly. "I'm sure he'll love you. If he doesn't, you have the others and I to kick his ass."

"Don't say that in such a cute way, hyung." Baekhyun drapes himself over Minseok as they near the café, poking the elder's cheeks. "Swear, you could _aegyo_ your way into world domination. But my anxiety is tripling in size and I just want to bury myself in the dirt and hide forever..."

Baekhyun has always had the habit of rambling when he was nervous, so the elder nods passively and keeps walking, anything to ease the younger's nerves. _Later_ is the time to tease and roast as _now_ is the time to be a good supportive hyung for his dongsaeng and... friend ( _crush_ ). He glances at his watch, happy to find that they were twenty minutes early.

"... _I think I see him_ , oh, no, send help. Hyung, if he was cute before, he's _beautiful_ now." It doesn't even surprise him to see the fresh bloom of red on Baekhyun's cheeks. The younger is holding a lovestruck gaze as if he's gazing at a handwork of the gods. "He's wearing nice and simple clothes, did I overdress, Jesus Christ, I probably look like I'm going through my emo phase—"

"Which one is him? Don't tell me 'the cute one' because that won't help."

Baekhyun gestures at the window. "Big ears, gray-ish jacket with a white shirt that has this circle full of flowers, and he's cute _and_ beautiful, fight me, hyung."

Through the glass, Minseok manages to find Chanyeol, who happens to be talking to someone he assumes is a fellow wingman. _Why are all the males I know taller than me?_ he inwardly screams. "Seems like boyfriend material to me," he comments as Baekhyun detaches himself from him and promptly smacks his shoulder.

The younger stares at the ground, looks up at the sky, then lets out a tense and shaky breath. "I am Byun fucking Baekhyun and nothing is gonna stop me."

"You are Byun fucking Baekhyun and nothing is gonna stop you," Minseok agrees.

They enter Café Universe side by side. Immediately, he's hit with the aura of fresh cocoa and basks in the warmth of the coffee shop. _Ah_ , nothing like a cup of coffee during the ungodly winds of winter. The fact that his dongsaeng is paying _and_ buying him dessert makes things ten times better.

Suddenly, the younger rushes to hide behind Minseok. "Hyung, hide me. Let's order something first." He finds himself dragged to the queue, all while his small figure faced Chanyeol's direction. " _Act natural_."

"You hiding behind me despite being taller is far from natural."

"Shut up, shorty."

Minseok happily does when he receives a blueberry flavored coffee with cream and an order of cheesecake to be delivered to him. "Goddamn maknae, finding ways to secretly make me bankrupt," Baekhyun grumbles as he drinks part of his strawberry beverage. "Okay, I think I'm calm. _Calm_. Let's socialize."

He chuckles at that, striding in the direction of Chanyeol (and his wingman's) table. "Well, less distracting yourself and more socializing." Nudging Baekhyun to get down from La La Land, they reach the booth and there is where the eldest finally gets a closer look at the two.

The wingman is the first to notice them as he pokes Chanyeol to look up from his Nintendo DSi. "G-good afternoon," the friend greets. Black shirt with white English words, a red cap, a gray jacket tied around the waist, and black pants is what he's wearing. _He seems charming_ , Minseok thinks to himself, _what a nice voice_.

"Hi, Baekhyunnie." Chanyeol smiles shyly, the edges of his lips curving in a bashful uncertainty. "Good afternoon...?" Trailing off, he cocks his head to the side.

"...Kim Minseok. I'm a '90 liner but you're free to talk informally to me."

"Oh, okay." A brief pause of realization. "That means you're our hyung! This is Kim Jongdae, he and I are '92 liners, like Baek." Minseok _swears_ he's looking at the embodiment of sunshine, those smiles are awfully contagious. "Here, please come sit."

Minseok obliges, claiming the spot beside Jongdae while Baekhyun plops down beside Chanyeol. "Do you mind Jongdae and I being here or would you rather be left alone?" he asks, playing with the plastic number for his order.

He finds amusement in how the two look at each other in unison in question. They already look like the stereotypical couple having silent conversations with each other. _What a great front-row seat_.

"No, it's fine, hyung." Baekhyun's eyes are screaming 'don't leave', thus he remains in his seat for the free food. "You both can stay."

Meanwhile, Chanyeol is staring at Baekhyun with such a deeply dumbstruck look that even Yixing could tell they are whipped for each other. His eyes are focused solely on the man beside him, as if in a trance and as if the world around them didn't exist. "How've you been?" he inquires slowly, and the deepness of his voice impressing Minseok.

Baekhyun lightly scratches the tip of his nose, clearly unsure of how to answer. "Um... I'm... Ahah, _well_ , I'm... _I'm gay_ ," he blurts out.

The eldest facepalms in secondhand embarrassment.

Chanyeol chokes on his drink.

"Yeah, same." Jongdae cackles with laughter.

A plate of cheesecake being placed on the table makes the presence of a fifth person known. "What a mood, Baekhyun-ssi," the server, Kim Taehyung snorts with an amused smile on his face. "Oh, and here's your cheesecake slice, Minseok-hyungnim."

"Is it _Roast and Humiliate Byun Baekhyun Day_?" the drama queen groans, banging his head on the table. "Kill me."

Minseok gratefully pulls the dessert to him. " _Yah_ , just 'hyung' is fine, Tae." Then, the eldest pokes at Baekhyun's hair with the handle of the knife. " _Hey_. You can't die. You promised to go Christmas shopping for me."

"You're a regular, I can't lose you or any of your companions. I'll be ground into _coffee beans_. Anyway, I've got more people to serve." Taehyung clicks his tongue, getting the plastic number and bowing. "Please enjoy your drinks and dessert. Have a nice day."

Chanyeol ruffles Baekhyun's hair. From where Minseok is, he can see the reddening of his dongsaeng's face and does not feel any sympathy whatsoever. "You want?" He directs his question to Jongdae and gestures to his cheesecake, seeing as the _not_ -couple is busy _not_ -flirting.

"I want those two to make-out but we all can't have nice things," Jongdae dryly points out, "but a small piece is fine with me, hyung. If it's okay."

Minseok slices the cake. "Got any juicy info about these two? All I know is that Baek raided a make-up store's eyeliner and they met then they didn't sleep because they were busy talking to each other." Pushing the plate closer to the other, he hands him one of the dessert spoons.

"They bond over their mutual love for pineapples on pizza." Jongdae scoops a part of the cake and eats it. "Horrifying, I know. Anyway, Chan panicked to me how he was 'a panicked gay' and needed my advice and comfort. He says they mutually love music; RAINISM, TVXQ!, H.O.T., yeah, those idols.

"Can't really talk, though, when _I_ have a bigass SHINee poster on my wall." He pauses before taking another piece of the dessert. " _Hoooly_ shit, this cheesecake is good, I'm in love."

Nodding in agreement, Minseok eats some of the cake while watching the two across from them. Lost in their own world. _Sigh, being a wingman is such an underpaid job_.

"Look at them." He jabs his spoon in their direction. "If the café catches fire, I bet they wouldn't notice."

"Ten thousand Won that they won't notice us leaving," Jongdae bets.

"Why not up the stakes? Ten thousand Won they make-out after they notice."

"Deal."


	5. chanyeol's socializing crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chanyeol's socializing crisis and his hunt for a complete photocard collection.

You know the feeling of wanting to hold someone's hand?

Yeah, Park Chanyeol kinda wants to hold Baekhyun's hand. Not just in a brotherly skinship way, but in an affectionate way. There's something _heartwarming_ about intertwining an important part of your body with someone you trust, a rush of happy hormones. The nice warm feeling that contrasts the cold winter is a bonus too.

Plus, Baekhyun's hands are pretty.

While the taller has big and slightly scarred hands from accidents in the kitchen and from playing instruments, he has nice delicate and feminine hands. Chanyeol wants to ask if he uses hand cream but he quickly realizes that the question is _not creepy at all, nooo, Park Chanyeol. Your social skills deserve an award_. _10/10_.

"Those bastards _ditched_ us." Baekhyun huffs, breaking Chanyeol's train of thought before aggressively taking a sip from his drink.

The two of them only noticed the abandonment when the elder had the urge to steal a piece of cheesecake from Minseok. That was when they belatedly saw the empty plate and found out that their friends disappeared on them without a word whatsoever. Unluckily for Chanyeol, that means that he is now _wingman-less_. He can already hear Jongdae laughing from a distance at his predicament.

 _Well... guess I'll die_.

Looking at Baekhyun's face as he flutters his eyes shut from the coldness of the beverage, Chanyeol is caught off guard by that feeling a person gets when they find someone so radiantly beautiful that they can't help but look away for a moment to breathe. That eyeliner and mascara pair is doing too many unhealthy things to his palpitating heart.

He looks away from Baekhyun to briefly check the time on his phone. "Well," he finds the courage to speak, "we can always go on without them."

"You make it sound like we're going to war," Baekhyun remarks as he drops his drink back on the table, "I _like_ it. And I like you. Let's get moving and have some fun on our _own_."

 _I like you too_ , Chanyeol wants to reply, but he thinks he's embarrassed himself enough by staring too much and blurting out that the elder is really, _really_ pretty (which he is) the night before. "Okay, Baekhyunnie, but where do you want to go?" he asks instead of saying something disastrous, looking back up to meet the other's eyes.

"You're poor. I'm poor. _You_ like music. _I_ like music. So, uh, let's become even _more_ poor by _buying_ music."

He nods in agreement. "Sounds like a plan." _Sounds like a date_ , his traitorous mind pipes up. "I'm still on the hunt for a Mirotic U-Know photocard."

It's one of Chanyeol's dreaded and worst fanboy nightmares to buy ten albums and not get a single photocard of his bias. Unfortunately, because he's _Park hecking Chanyeol_ , his luck made his dreams a reality when he unboxed his many albums and found not even _one_ U-Know card. At least he got a few extra Won from his classmates from selling his excess Yoochun and Changmin cards.

"You collect photocards too?" Baekhyun's eyes light up at that. "You never told me! Like, I'm so stressed when it comes to collecting SHINee cards because I keep on getting _Minho_. Dibidibidib, that _bitch_ is probably laughing at me. _Twenty_ albums from their latest comeback purchased in bulk and most of them come with _Minho_ , what the heck? I swear, it's all a ploy to get me to fund their bling bling jackets."

"' _Bling bling jackets_ '," the taller repeats, amused, "well, at least buying a lot of albums gives me the chance to meet them face-to-face." However, despite the constant straining and squeezing of his wallet, he hasn't gotten lucky in the lottery to go to _one_ fan meet... Not that he'll mention it because that's just _sad_.

 _Whatever_. He'll continue to support his favorite idols until he goes bankrupt and kicked out onto the streets of Korea. There's _always_ more space in his room for another album and poster.

" _SNSD's Tiffany can step on me_ ," Baekhyun deadpans, "and slap me and I'd thank her like the queen she is."

"Mood," he agrees wholeheartedly, nodding his head before glancing at the time once more. "...We should get going. I have a photocard collection to complete and a _We Got Married_ episode to catch."

After they dispose of their empty drink containers, ride their bikes, and later arrive at a record store, Chanyeol swings his arm and wraps it protectively around Baekhyun's smaller frame, pulling him ever-so-slightly closer. He's happy to see the other let him perform the act of skinship and opens the door to the small shop.

"Good afternoon, Joohyun-noona," Baekhyun says as soon as they enter.

The cashier looks up from her work and smiles. "Good afternoon, Baek-ah." She bows at the two of them. "Can I help you with anything?" 'Joohyun' has moderately medium length hair with straight bangs and expressive almond-shaped eyes, kinda like one of those idols you'd see performing on _Inkigayo_. _How many people does Baekhyunnie know?_ Chanyeol wonders because he, unlike the elder, has around... three friends.

 _She's beautiful_ , he then adds to his thoughts, _but not as beautiful as Baekhyunnie—_

"No, thank you, noona," Baekhyun replies, "We're just gonna browse some TVXQ! and SHINee. Photocard hunting."

"Mmm." She cocks her head in Chanyeol's direction. "Is this your friend?"

"Yup! Park Chanyeol, Bae Joohyun. Bae Joohyun, Park Chanyeol." Baekhyun gestures between the two of them. "He's chill and _not_ close-minded, so go wild on your bisexual ass."

Nodding approvingly, Joohyun smiles even wider. "Nice to meet you, Chanyeol-ssi. Please take care of Baekhyun or I will kick your ass to North Korea."

Chanyeol heeds the warning with a quick nod. "I will, noona."

Unwrapping his arm from the shorter's shoulders, he trails behind Baekhyun as they walk past the shelves. _He's so... small_ , Chanyeol blinks, _I feel like I want to protect him_. His heart clenches, beating a bit faster, and his chest feels heavier. _And... you caught some of The Gay Thoughts™, again, Chanyeol_.

When he tunes back into the conversation, he finds himself accidentally overhearing Joohyun's whisper to Baekhyun of, "...You know what happens if you get caught, right?"

 _What_.

His head twitches slightly as he resists the urge to snap his head in their direction. Did he hear that correctly? _Get caught by whom? What'll happen if we get caught by_ 〇〇〇 _?_ Biting his lip, Chanyeol chooses to act as if he didn't hear it and blocks out Baekhyun's reply because _it's none of his business_. The curiosity is shoved back to the depths of his mind; nothing good happens when people make assumptions.

He busies himself by thinking of other things, like that _goddamn U-Know photocard he has to find because his collection is almost complete_.

"How many of each should I get?"

Chanyeol turns to Baekhyun with all his ( _love_ ) attention, catching the other eyeing the shelf dedicated to SHINee. "I mean," the elder wonders aloud, "Myeonnie-hyung said that I can keep that extra cash from my eyeliner crisis, but who knows when I'll need those Won signs again?" He briefly wonders if he should remind the shorter male of the nightmare fuel from yesternight; he can never look at eyeliner the same way ever again.

"I don't know how much you have, but try saving half," Chanyeol suggests, "use them as emergency funds or for food later."

"Mm. Okay."

It tugs heavily on his heartstrings to have invaded a possibly private conversation. Guilt gnawed on his soul as he hovers behind Baekhyun, draping his long and lanky arms around the other and resting his chin on the soft locks of hair.

Baekhyun stiffens at the bold touch, the _2009, Year of Us_ album in his hand freezing mid-air.

For a brief moment of panic, the younger moves to retract his hands, thinking he crossed the line of the other's personal space with such an impulsive action. Before he could do so, however, in a movement small and slow, Baekhyun's figure relaxes, easing into the hold and snuggling himself a few subtle centimeters closer to Chanyeol.

" _You're warm_." Baekhyun exhales, loading his small basket with more albums. His voice is hushed and quiet, as if revealing a secret that he doesn't want the world to hear. "Feels lovely."

Chanyeol's tongue-tied, so he settles with humming out one of the earworms stuck in his head. Thank _God_ that Jongdae ditched him to hang out with Minseok, else they catch the pinkish color of Chanyeol's cheeks and immortalize it forever. He can't help but stare as Baekhyun trails his free hand on the spines of the albums laid on the display.

A voice in his mind that sounds _suspiciously_ like Jongdae laughs at him, _You're whipped, bro!_

Well, _hell yes_ is Chanyeol whipped, not that he'll say it out loud. He finds himself descending into a deeper circle of hell when Baekhyun begins singing a ballad under his breath. Looking back, who wouldn't fall for those angelic vocals?

" _As you live, as you live, as you live_ ," Baekhyun's voice is mesmerizing, the soft tune playing with his heart and throwing it around and squishing it into a tiny ball, " _when you're having a hard time, blame me for your sadness..._ " He wants to take out his phone to record and treasure the singing forever, but he doesn't want to take his eyes off the way Baekhyun's nose scrunches up when his notes come out a little too flat or sharp, or miss the little wisps of breath Baekhyun takes in between pauses in his cover of _Saldaga_.

He compliments offhandedly, "You have a really nice voice, Baekhyunnie-yah."

" _If it's really h_ a—" Baekhyun's voice cracks mid-line and he stops abruptly, freezing up once more. A surprised noise leaves his lips. "T-thank you." The taller lets out a noise of acknowledgement, shadowing the shorter's waddling towards the girl group section.

"Do you take lessons?"

Baekhyun nods his head, brushing tuffs of his hair against Chanyeol's chin. "I-I take vocal training. My instructors can be... a little bit bitch, but they're nice."

They talk a bit more about music and Baekhyun's batshit crazy dormmates. Baekhyun does most of the talking; his soothing voice like a choir of angels to Chanyeol's ears while the younger does his best to suppress the loud beating of his heart. His voice has to be what the dead hear when they ascend into the heavens.

_Is it possible to hear a person's heartbeat in their position?_

He hopes not, detaching himself from the shorter to allow him to crouch down to the low display. Knowing himself, Chanyeol will probably say something that will ruin his entire reputation and make him want to crawl under a rock and die so he bites his tongue. He finds himself crouching down beside Baekhyun, peeking at the albums.

In a display of grand impulse, he reaches for Baekhyun's hand.

Chanyeol is both mortified by his lack of self-control and fascinated at how different their hand sizes are. _His hands are so soft_ , he weighs the smaller's hand, gaze fixated on the smooth delicate skin and impeccably trimmed nails. He massages the knuckles with his thumb, drawing circles and swirls onto the flawless skin. The hand fits perfectly into Chanyeol's own bigger one and only then does he look up to see the other's reaction.

Their eyes meet.

Something bolts up Chanyeol's spine at Baekhyun's bemused ( _lovestruck?_ ) expression. Chanyeol _knows_ he has an expression of a deer caught in headlights and wills for a lightning bolt to zap him into the next life.

_Oh, shit, Crush caught you staring, abort mission, abort, don't say anything gay, abort, ABORT—_

"You have really pretty hands."

He immediately thinks three things:

 _1\. Fuck_.  
_2\. Mission failed_.  
_3\. Your apartment building is high enough to guarantee the sweet release of death_.

For eleven seconds does he see the pearly white gates of the afterlife, but then he thinks to himself, _Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell_.

"U-uhuh, thank you!" Baekhyun squeaks out, voice an octave higher. He snaps back into reality, releasing the other's hand and begins to vomit out words without a filter whatsoever.

"Don't take this the wrong way, errr... It's just that your hands look really nice and pretty and I wanted to hold them." Chanyeol's eyes widen and he attempts to take back what he just said, his hands flailing as he explains himself, "I-it's not that _you're_ not pretty! You're really, really pretty and I hope you know that and-and you have a nice voice like an angel and you're cute and—oh my God, _this is embarrassing_."

He buries his face in his hands, feeling his blush creep up to the tips of his ears. _Good job, Chanyeol_ , his mind comments, _you just exposed your gay ass again_.

"No, no! It's okay, thank you for the, um, compliment. I mean, you're _also_ cute and—" Baekhyun releases a bashful whine that he finds endearing. "Just, um, got surprised. Give a guy a warning next time, please."

Shyness from being called 'cute' makes him dig his fingers into his scalp. "O-okay, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, _swear_ , I'll just"—Baekhyun stands up and Chanyeol removes his hands to look at him—"check how much I have left, my poor ass can't handle more bankruptcy." He pats around his pants pockets, hands also checking the pockets of his winter coat. From Chanyeol's angle, the light forms a sort of halo around the elder, making him seem more otherworldly—

_Clang!_

"Oh, h-here, let me." Chanyeol looks down and reaches for the object of interest despite the other's protests.

His hand wraps around the container as he stretches his arm to reach it. Its packaging is a milky white with designs a luscious shade of bright red, and it weighs a lot in his hand. Curiously, he flips the bottle to identify its contents.

 _Strawberry lubricant_.

 _Um_. He nearly drops the bottle in surprise. "I'm-I'm sorry, oh my God, here you, um, go—" Eyes widening, he snaps his head up and stands up in record time. Baekhyun's face is as red as the container as his shaky hand reaches for the lubricant, shoving it into his inner jacket pocket.

"I'm sorry that you saw that, I'm... super sorry. I'm a mess and that lube isn't mine, it's my friend's, Luhan's—Tha-that _bitch_ probably found a way to put it into my coat, _swear_!" Pure unfiltered panic is on Baekhyun's face as he backs up and fiddles with his hands, frantically waving to prove his point.

"It's okay, no, it's okay," Chanyeol states, walking forward as the other took a step back, mirroring his movements.

 _Step. Step. Step_.

Baekhyun's head is facing down as his back hits the wall, bangs veiling his eyes and face from Chanyeol's view. The shorter is playing with his fingers again, poking and curling them with each other. Basket filled with albums dangling from his elbow and sandwiched between them, he refuses to meet Chanyeol's gaze.

Worried that he might've crossed a line or something, he gently asks, "Did I say something wrong? Is something the matter?" He reaches to brush a stray strand off Baekhyun's face, feeling ( _a bit daring and needing an excuse to get closer_ ) concerned.

"Baek—" His voice gets caught in his throat when Baekhyun tilts his head up slightly, eyes visible through his hair as looks back at Chanyeol. _Have his eyelashes always been this long?_

Only then does he notice their proximity.

At first, he wants to back off and give the other space, but Chanyeol feels rooted to the spot. Inches separates their faces and he _kinda_ wants to get closer. He lightly strokes Baekhyun's cheek with his hand, fascinated by the softness and smoothness.

"I-is this okay?"

Baekhyun nods at his question and Chanyeol smiles at the consent and he smiles back. The taller's heart does backflips as he leans closer, and so does the other. It comes to a point where he can hear the quiet breaths Baekhyun is taking.

His chest feels heavy as Baekhyun drops the basket to the floor and comes closer, their bodies almost completely touching.

_Closer..._

Chanyeol obliges to the Jongdae-sounding voice. _This_ _is really happening, this is really happening, I can't believe my first gay kiss is happening in an album store next to a shelf dedicated to f(x)_ —

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

He jolts backwards, startled by the ringtone. _RING DING DONG, RING DING DONG_ , his mind starts singing and screaming the fanchant.

Annoyance comes first on Baekhyun's face then confusion as he pats around for his phone. "I-I have to make sure no one's dying," he stammers, "I'm sorry for killing the moment."

With that, he turns to face opposite of Chanyeol's direction.

" _Oh Sehun, you tall freak of nature_. Make this quick before I kick your ass all the way to America."


	6. sehun's wallet crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sehun's wallet crisis and his unreliability as a replacement wingman.

Oh Sehun takes pride, perhaps _too much_ pride, in the fact that he's a little shit with an overflowing amount of sass in his body.

"Hello, hyungie!" his voice drips with mock-cheerfulness, "just making sure you aren't getting murdered. Does Luhan and I need to find a place to hide Chanyeol-ssi's body?"

" _I'm-I'm trading you for Taemin, just you wait, you bitch,_ " Baekhyun hisses, voice descending into a hushed whisper unlike his previous _loud_ declaration of kicking the maknae's ass across the Pacific Ocean.

_ Is that embarrassment he hears in dear Baek-hyung's voice? _ Sehun grins, the stammer not missed.

Leaning back onto the couch of the bubble tea store Luhan and him discovered, he drawls into the earphones's microphone, "I told you, I'm _irreplaceable_. Where are you, anyway? Not in the closet anymore, I hope." He leaves out the _minor_ detail of wanting to be there for the sake of embarrassing his hyung in front of his crush, but Baekhyun seems to predict his shit-eating actions, anyway.

" _You..._ " There's grumbling on the other line before his hyung says, " _If_ that's _all you called for..._ "

"Wait, wait, wait. Don't put down the call. I demand updates," Sehun orders, straightening his back. "I'm making sure he isn't stepping lines because it's _my_ job to piss you off. I'll cut his dick off, hyung."

" _Gee, thanks, maknae. He's your hyung too, ya know,_ " the other reprimands, " _but_ _Chanyeollie takes really good care of me... He's fun to talk to and he also likes music that I like and..._ "

The tone he uses when talking about Chanyeol morphs to sickeningly sweet. Sehun gags, pretending to vomit. "I don't need to know the details, hyung."

"... _Then why did you call me? It doesn't sound like anyone's dying. I'm in the middle of something—_ "

" _Wait_ , wait. Shut your homo bitching for five seconds," Luhan, who is wearing Sehun's other earphone, cuts Baekhyun off. He turns to Sehun, thrusting his phone towards his face. It shows a chat log filled with Chinese characters and stickers, with the latest messages being in Korean, thankfully. "This is more important than Episode 69 of _Baekhyun's_ _Panicked Gay Chronicles_. Sehunnie, look at this pic Minnie sent me. I _told_ you he'd like the place."

** > ** ( ﾉ ◕ ヮ ◕ ) ﾉ *: ･ﾟ ✧ **** ** 小包子 ** ** !! **   
_hello,_ 鹿哥 _ (and sehunnie-yah)! _

_ the ramyeon place you recommended was delicious. we should eat there sometime. _

_ dae-yah says hi, by the way. _

** > ** ** 「 ** ** ( ** ** ﾉ ** ◕ ** ヮ ** ◕ ** ) ** ** ﾉ ** ** *: ** ** ･ﾟ ** ✧ **** ** 小包子 ** ** !! ** ** 」 ** ** sent a live picture **

** (transcript: _live picture is a gif of minseok with jongdae to his left at a restaurant, both of them smiling and waving at the camera with a waiter at the background_ ) **

** > ( ** ** ﾉ ** ◕ ** ヮ ** ◕ ** ) ** ** ﾉ ** ** *: ** ** ･ﾟ ** ✧ **** ** 小包子 ** ** !! **   
_he's nice so no need to get your panties in a twist. i know you're thinking of some saying like "_ 不作死就不会死 " _but_ _i can always kick his ass if the situation called for it._

_ oh, i'd give details but we're going for ice cream now, sorry,  _ 拜拜 _! _

** 鹿哥 ** **** ** ♡♡♡ ** ** ( ** ** ๑ ** ** > ** ◡ ** < ** ** ๑ ** ** ) < **   
路上小心，我的小包子 _!!_

Sehun squints at the parts typed in Mandarin in an attempt to decipher it (or have the words magically turn into _Hangul_ ), completely confused and in need of subtitles. An urge to remind the other that he is _illiterate_ in Mandarin crosses him but he gets the gist of what's happening nonetheless, so he shakes it off.

"Isn't he just _adorable_?" Luhan coos, tilting his head to the side and taking the phone back, "I swear, he looks younger than you, maknae. Except _waaay_ cuter..." He looks back at his phone and his fingers move across the lower half, probably typing up another reply to the eldest. "Oh and, ah, _hey_ , Baekhyun-ah, where are you?"

The maknae lets the poking at his supposed lack of _aegyo_ slide (which is _not_ true, by the way, he firmly believes that he's the cutest among his friends and that is a _fact_ ), inwardly smirking and cheering because Baekhyun is now socially obliged to answer the elder. Korean hierarchy is amazing when he's _not_ ordered to buy twenty things from a vending machine that's far away.

"... _The record shop Joohyun-noona works at_ ," Baekhyun replies after a moment of silence, defeat loud and clear in his voice. He clears his throat just as Luhan opens his mouth to say something. " _I'm putting the phone down now, asshole and Luhan_. _Talk to y'all later._ "

_ Click! _

Luhan snaps his mouth shut and stares at the phone with an intensity strong enough to set it on fire.

Thousands of emotions pass his face, all of which are quite the comedic sight. "...That-that disrespectful _bitch_ called me 'Luhan' and not 'Luhan-hyung'," he admonishes, outrage coloring his words, "and I thought Koreans are big on hierarchy and respect for elders!"

"Hyung, you're _Chinese_ ," Sehun reminds, "and you _literally_ announced when we met that the strict hierarchy here 'sucked ass' and can 'suck China's dick' because 'our more intimate and brotherly environment is superior'."

"...You have no _proof_ , peasant."

"Tell that to the others who applauded your bravery with a standing ovation because it just-so-happened that a _teacher_ entered the room when you said that."

" _LA LA LA._ I don't hear your lies and bullshit, _na na na na na na_..." Luhan removes the earphone and plugs his ears with his fingers, turning his head away from him. He contemplates smacking the elder but thinks against it because that equates to his wallet dying even more so _never mind_.

Sehun settles with pokes instead. "Yah, _yaaah_ , accept the truth and finish your bubble tea, hyungie. _Let's go bug ChanBaek_."

"...' _ChanBaek_ '?" Luhan halts his whining, whipping his head to him with a curious expression. He mouthes the word again, knitting his eyebrows together. _Oh, it probably sounds like an unfamiliar slang word_. "Is that some passive aggressive word meaning 'hurry the fuck up or die' or.."

"ChanBaek means 'Chanyeol and Baekhyun'. The latter is a mouthful, _five_ syllables," the younger explains, "why waste my precious saliva when I can say 'ChanBaek' instead? Plus, it's my ship name for them."

The other blinks while taking a large gulp from his drink. _Probably not the weirdest thing hyung's heard in Korea_ , Sehun supposes, _he lives with me and the others after all_. "Ah. Makes sense. Thought it was some weirdass weeaboo word— _oooh_ , try saying that five times fast—that you picked up from manga."

"Weirdass weeaboo word, weirdass weeaboo wo'd, weiz-ass s-wurd—WORD— _fuck_ ," the younger curses.

While he's struggling with the tongue twister, Luhan puts a finger to his own chin in contemplation. "But... hey, if ChanBaek is, like, _the_ main ship... Does that make us _background characters_?" he wonders aloud.

Sehun blinks as if _he_ himself hasn't stayed up into the ungodly hours of the morning contemplating the same thing after reading a _really_ intense psychological manga series. "...I think you're breaking the fourth wall of our universe, hyung."

"No, it makes sense!" the elder exclaims with a vigor. "If I'm right, then I _refuse_ to be a minor character in this anime or manga or whatever!"

"Personally, I think you're more of a side bitch," Sehun butts in.

"Gee, _thanks_ , maknae," Luhan crinkles his nose but looks like he's buying the idea anyway. "Nice to know that in the big grand plan of the universe, my ultimate destiny is to be a _side bitch_."

"Not just 'a' side bitch, you're _The_ Side Bitch," Sehun corrects, coiling up his earphones and shoving them into his pocket while praying that they doesn't get tangled. "Speaking of bitches, wanna go embarrass Baekhyun-hyung? If he's still at Joohyun-noona's store with his bae, I can also get Kyungsoo-hyung a Christmas gift while we're at it!"

Luhan sighs dramatically but agrees with a sound of confirmation anyway. He sucks up the last of the pearls in his drink, scooping out the excess cream. "You're lucky I'm broke or I would've shipped you to to Australia to die from heatstroke."

"Love you too, hyungie." The taller blows an air kiss but Luhan is quick to dodge it's general direction, sliding off the couch and leaving the trash on the table for _Sehun_ to dispose of. _Goddamn it_.

He pouts and grumbles but Luhan stubbornly looks in the other direction so he cleans up the trash anyway, wiping the table with the excess tissue and moving towards the trash cans. _Greetings, fellow trash_ , he mentally communicates to the rubbish bins as he segregates the wrappers and washes his hands at the sink.

_ Naruto  _ running to his hyung, Sehun grabs him by the sleeve as he makes a mad dash to the exit. Luhan lets out a surprised squawk and nearly drops his phone as he's manhandled head-on to the freezing temperatures outside. Sehun finds himself ( _rudely_ ) pushed away as his hyung scrambles to find balance. "Oh fucking Sehun, you fucking fuck, how dare you— hoooly shit, it's so _cold_."

Luhan visibly shivers, and the taller can't blame him because winter is merciless during December. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, reminding himself to buy a pair of gloves else his hands become popsicles. "Well," he says, watching the vapor appear in front of him, "are you gonna ship me to Australia now, Luhan-hyung?"

" _Fuck you_." The elder exhales, blowing into his hands and rubbing them together. "Let's move our asses to ChanBaek because I'm pretty sure it's 11°C and _sunny_ in Beijing unlike this 9°C depressing cloud country."

** ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ **

Thing is, they _walked_ to the bubble tea shop, which means that they're subjugated to trudge through the harsh winds towards the music store.

A few centuries or so after leaving, just as Sehun begins to contemplate actually shipping himself to Australia for the sake of heat and warmth, they reach their destination and don't hesitate to enter the premises. "Heat!" Sehun cheers, basking in the hotness, " _yeheeet_!"

"Good afternoon and welcome, Sehunnie, Luhan-hyung."

The elder pats his cheeks to get the blood flowing again as he turns to the cashier. "Hey, Joohyun," he greets, waving his hand, "are ChanBaek still here?"

Without missing a beat, Joohyun gestures towards a direction. "They went to the SHINee section, if I'm not mistaken. They're probably somewhere around there." _Wow, she didn't even flinch at the word 'ChanBaek'_ , Sehun mentally applauds her, impressed at her unfazed look. "Please keep things PG-13 and non-destructive, by the way. I dealt with this guy with a dimple a few days ago who nearly knocked the shelves down like dominos and I still need to recover."

"We will. Thanks, noona." Sehun nods at her before taking the lead and approaching the SHINee section.

Secret agent music begins to play in his head as halts in walking and clasps his hands together, extending his thumbs and index fingers to make a gun. He backs up on a shelf, peaking to look at the aisle then hiding behind it again. He beckons his hyung to join and Luhan facepalms; he quietly cheers when the elder presses up to the shelf beside him anyway.

_ Tu tu tuuun, tu tu tuuun, tu tu tuuun, tu tun _ , he conducts in his head, an electric guitar replicating the jazz music he hears in American spy films.

He hears footsteps nearby along with incoherent whispers; he smiles. _Targets' location acquired_. Peaking once more into the aisle, he tiptoes a few shelves further. A bead of sweat trickles down his back as he shakes off the lingering coldness, he's a _man_ on a _mission_.

Inching towards the source of the sounds, he's pressed up against a display of 2PM and 2AM albums when Luhan—the bastard—fucking _sneezes_ , probably spreading some zombie virus everywhere and shattering his illusion of being a detective agent.

" _Hyung_!" Sehun exclaims at an instant, straightening his back and pointing his finger guns to the elder, "you're killing the mood!"

"Excuse you. You dragged me into the cold winter, I can't help it." Luhan sniffles a bit, breaking character and walking _straight_ through the aisle with his footsteps loud and clear in a gesture of vengeance. "Suffer, _bitch_."

Sehun whines, already thinking of a way to get revenge as he sulks and begrudgingly walks behind the elder. _Maybe I can detach all the sleeves from his clothes_ , he thinks, _expose his fucking arms to the whole world Nini-style—_

"Ohhh, _prostitute dearest_!"

Luhan fucking _flies_ towards Baekhyun's back before the poor guy could even turn around. He doesn't even try to lower his volume or look remotely shameful as he asks, "So have you used my gifts yeeet?"

"Jesus—holy, _Luhan-hyung_?" Baekhyun splutters, regaining his footing.

" _See_ , maknae, I'm _holy_ , according to Baekhyunnie. Not just some _side bitch_ ," Luhan directs his statement to Sehun as he lets go of his dongsaeng. He grips Baekhyun's shoulders and turns his around to face him. Then, the eldest studies Baekhyun's face then Chanyeol's, looking back at Baekhyun and to Chanyeol once more, he repeats the motion. "...I'm guessing you haven't used my gift yet...?"

Baekhyun's face reddens as he flails his hands. " _No_! Of course not, hyung. We're just, um, checking out"— _checking out each other?_ Sehun inserts—"albums." He frantically gestures to the basket hanging from his elbow that's filled to the brim with albums.

"Why do you sound _disappointed_?" he adds, crying out.

" _Hmph_ , thought you were actually _getting_ some," Luhan huffs before turning to a wide-eyed Chanyeol, "I'm gonna speed things up here. I'm Luhan, nice to meet you. The other tall guy is Sehun. You see, Baek—"

" _Chanyeollie, you haven't gotten yourself any albums yet!_ "

Baekhyun's roar echoes through the store and Sehun is sure people across the street can hear it. Caught off guard, Luhan pauses mid-sentence, furrowing his eyebrows as if he forgot what he was talking about. Sehun feels like he struck gold as he watches the _really_ good drama anime before his eyes and snickers as Chanyeol is the first to snap out of his stupor.

"Uh, yes! I forgot to get my-my TVXQ! albums, um, please—excuse me, Luhan—Luhan-hyung," the tallest stutters as he speed walks into the sea of displays, disappearing through the shelves. Sehun snorts like the hypocrite he is, _Panicked gay spotted_.

Luhan simply looks at Baekhyun and states, "You two should fuck."

"WHAT?"

"You should let him fuck you!" he cheerfully rephrases. At this point, Sehun has taken out his phone and is recording the happenings to laugh at at 3AM.

"NO. I heard you the first time! I don't even know how!"

"You take my gift, put the condom on his dick— _safe sex is important_ —lube it up, lube and prep your ass, then insert his dick up your a—"

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK _I_ BOTTOM?"

There's a distant look in the elder's eyes as he pauses. "You seem like the type—but you could be a switch, too. I mean, Junmyeon's one—"

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION?" _Damn, Baekhyun-hyung be hitting those high notes with his screeches_. "HOW DO _YOU_ KNOW THIS INFORMATION?"

"Have you _seen_ Junmyeon's ass?" Luhan asks, incredulous and eyebrows raised. "But Minseok's is better, to be honest. You live in a dorm with hot men, sex happens all the time. It's natural! What matters is that it's all _consensual_."

" _This_ is why you're just a side bitch, hyung," Sehun mutters under his breath, trying to delete the memories of walking into too many _wild_ happenings in the dorm. He's just _sixteen_ , dammit!

Baekhyun's Lord and Savior comes in the form of Chanyeol walking back to their trio, face red.

_ Oops, he probably heard everything _ .

" _Chanchan_!" Baekhyun breathes, relief clear on his face as he latches onto Chanyeol's arm. "Let's go check these out asap. Please ignore the existence of my hyung, he's a crazy bitch." With that, he drags the taller past Sehun to go to the check-out station.

_ My hyungs are wild _ , he thinks to himself as he stops the video recording on his phone, _maybe I should've brought popcorn_. He fiddles with his phone, saving the video to his cloud storage, and allows Luhan to drag him by the elbow to chase after the not-couple.

"Can you _believe_ that prostitute?" the elder scoffs, "ignoring _me_. Maybe I should lock those two in a BDSM love hotel."

"Not a bad idea," Sehun replies breezily, "but maybe they just need sense knocked into them. Set them up for a candlelit dinner."

"Shit, good idea. We can get Junmyeon to fund their date, complete with violinists and butlers." The other's eyes light up. "That's our last resort if those two don't make out by the time 2012 comes and the world ends, swear."

** ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ **

It's hard work to be a wingman. Especially when the couple of interest are both panicked gays who are painfully obvious and painfully _oblivious_.

How did Sehun's life come to this? He pities himself as Luhan and him trail behind Chanyeol and Baekhyun, the idiots in their own world as they ride their bikes side-by-side. Those two could probably make out or something and dismiss it as _no, homo bro, purely platonic_.

When he and his hyung agreed to join in dropping Chanyeol off at his nearby apartment, they had apparently signed up for a show of two lovestruck dummies in denial.

And it's so _frustrating_.

It's reaching a point that he thinks they should resort to Plan B, the 'have Junmyeon fund a romantic night and pray they fuck' plan. Dramatic? Yeah, but can you _blame_ Sehun? He knows Chanyeol and Baekhyun have known each other for a day or so, but they're so _whipped_.

They've been walking in the cold but Sehun ignores the bite of the frost because his need to see results is magically overpowering the urge to set himself on fire.

"This is my apartment building," he hears Chanyeol murmur to Baekhyun as they park their bikes.

Sehun's eyes widen in realization, a goodbye kiss! They might kiss in farewell. He _needs_ to get a good angle to immortalize this moment. Seizing Luhan's shoulder, he drags his startled hyung to the side of the structure to a window that overseas the lobby.

He suppresses an inhuman scream when Chanyeol and Baekhyun walk beside each other into the building.

Preparing his phone and his mind for the upcoming gay, he whispers to Luhan, "It's coming, hyung."

"...ank you for today, I enjoyed it," Baekhyun's soft voice floats through the air. He's playing with the cuffs of his sleeves, staring at them as if looking up is a difficult feat. Sehun can't see his face at their angle, but can see the way Chanyeol reaches a hand to gently stroke the shorter's cheek.

Chanyeol says something in reply that the maknae's ears can't pick up.

They're _so_ close to each other that Sehun's heart races in anticipation. He can't hear their words from how soft they're whispering it, but revels in how Baekhyun looks up and shyly embraces Chanyeol's neck, burying his face in his chest, nuzzling it.

It's so _intimate_ , it feels like he's intruding on a private moment.

Baekhyun pulls away to tuck a stray strand of Chanyeol's hair away from his face, and the taller's face reddens at the gesture as he wraps his long arms around the shorter's waist.

They lean in in unison. Chanyeol's pupils are wide as he bends down just as Baekhyun tiptoes, they're inches away from each other, their breaths mingling into one—

Luhan fucking _sneezes_.

It echoes through the quiet.

Sehun sees the burning pits of hell for a brief second.

He immediately thinks hard to recall how long a prison sentence for first degree murder is because the couple break apart in an instant, jumping a good feet or so from each other. Only _he_ can cockblock his friends and _now_ is _not_ the right moment. It's only by a mere thread of willpower does he not strangle his hyung.

" _Hide_!" he hisses, grabbing the back of Luhan's collar and pulling them both to the ground, hiding them from the window's view.

They lay flat on the pavement; he hears muffled hasty goodbyes and feels like the personification of universal disappointment. Stopping the recording, he sends a text of absolute _goodwill_ to Minseok.

** maknae seahoon < **   
_hyungie pls slap luhan later_

_ ive failed u & ur new bf as a wingman _

_ luhan fcking s n e e z e d _

_ control ur side bitch ty _ _ily_


	7. yifan's advice crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yifan's advice crisis and his repulsion at the thought of being a murder accomplice.

"... _ssed_ him, Soo-yah!"

"Do you want me to kill them?"

Wu Yifan's not sure what kind of conversation he walked into and blinks in confusion when he processes Kyungsoo's offer to Baekhyun. "Um..." he thinks of a way to phrase his uncertainty politely because he's too young to die, "are you two planning a murder?"

 _It's too early for this shit_ , he thinks as the duo direct their attention to him, _maybe I watched too many internet shock videos last night_.

Then again, he probably shouldn't be surprised given the amount of weird shit he hears his friends say. Overhearing plans of world domination with the power of gay and last resort plans of consuming textbooks for dinner to digest knowledge are part of the daily routine at this point.

"Oh—um, good-good morning, Yifan-hyung!" Baekhyun stammers, lowering his head slightly in a polite acknowledgement.

"...Good morning." The eldest eyes his dongsaengs suspiciously, not wanting to get arrested for being a murder accomplice as he claims the seat beside Kyungsoo and across from Baekhyun. Raising an eyebrow expectantly, he awaits an explanation as he takes a bite out of his apple.

"Yesterday, our prostitute-hyung scored a date with his bae," the youngest explains and Baekhyun chokes at the wording. "He's panicking because he almost kissed his crush. Twice."

"And?"

"It was courtesy of our dear maknae, then Luhan-hyung," Kyungsoo answers, sounding so _done_ with the situation, "Sehunnie cockblocked first by calling at the _worst_ possible time. Later, Hyung sneezed and doomed lover boy here to have a love crisis."

 _Isn't he_ always _having a love crisis_ , Yifan wants to ask.

"So Hyung is now panicking my ear off because he thinks he scared off Chanyeol-ssi... or something like that," Kyungsoo explains before he takes a sip from his vegetable soup. "He's worried about what people might think and that it might ruin Chanyeol-ssi's life."

 _Ah_.

"Why, though, Baekhyun-ah?" The eldest cocks his head to the side, all ears for his dongsaeng.

Baekhyun picks at his _kimchi_. "...I-I've thought about it after I arrived at the dorm yesterday," he confesses, lowering his voice's volume a bit, "Korea is still homophobic and no law _really_ protects those who love the same gender... I don't want to give Chanyeollie a hard life just because some _random_ guy fell in love with him."

_Internalized homophobia is a bitch._

"I'm not saying you should expose yourself to everybody, but you should date him anyway," Yifan suggests, "do what you think is best for the both of you."

"If you're really paranoid about judgmental homophobes, remember that Korea has a sort-of 'don't ask, don't tell' culture." The youngest frowns at his own words, displeased at the prospect of being forced into hiding. "It sounds shitty but that's how it is. If you keep any romantic gestures behind locked doors, you're good. Skinship is pretty normal too."

" _I don't like how it is_." Baekhyun purses his lips into a thin line. "I've heard stories of people being denied from schools or companies for not following the norm."

Kyungsoo's eyebrows raise inquisitively."Well, _fuck_ the norm then."

"You're being realistic," Yifan pipes up, "but you two should talk things out. Take advantage of how normal same sex skinship is here. I highly doubt you'd be found out but if ever, we're here to kick ass for you."

The flamboyant boy sarcastically clasps his hands together. "Gee. Thanks, hyung." He drops into a slouch after, furrowing his eyebrows together. A tinge of pink colors his cheeks as he ponders something. "...Problem is: I don't even _know_ if he likes me back—"

A groan from the youngest cuts him off. "From what it seems, you're _both_ whipped for each other," Kyungsoo says exasperatedly, shaking his head as he turns to Yifan. "See the kind of a mood swinging shit I deal with? One moment, he's wishing for societal reform and revolution with a dash of lingering 'to homo or not to homo'; the next, he's a kicked puppy willing to stab himself in the name of Park Chanyeol's undying love."

"H- _hey_!" Baekhyun protests.

Yifan shakes his head solemnly. "It's true." Fiddling with the last apple slice in his hands, he adds, "You're probably _—hopefully—_ not stupid enough to make out in public or something." He doesn't know how or why his dongsaeng's train of thought managed to go from panicking over society to panicking over a requited crush in half a second, but would rather much prefer not finding out at all, thank you very much.

" _Some_ faith would be nice, hyung." He watches the other huff. "Seriously, though, I could always wait for this crush to die out before I do something horribly embarrassing to ruin my chances of a normal life."

"Your existence is an embarrassment already," the youngest... _reassures_ the older, "it can't get any worse than that."

Baekhyun lets out a noise of protest that sounds like a cross between a squeak and a grumble, a mating call, if you will. " _Excuse you_ , Soo-yah, were _you_ featured in an SNSD MV? You're speaking to a future _icon_ , have some respect."

" _Respect_?" The sides of Kyungsoo's mouth twitch upwards and Yifan mentally, physically, _spiritually_ prepares himself for the upcoming roast session. "Sorry, I don't know her. You were casted because they took pity on your face."

Pure outrage and a thousand other emotions cross the other's face.

"You _disrespectful_ bald _egghead_!"

If anyone is to ask, Yifan would deny choking on his juice at that. _Low blow there, Baekhyun-ah._ He stifles his laughter as the yell echoes through the eating area, effectively catching everyone's attention. Jongin's dramatic gasp follows as the chattering dims down and many wide eyes turn to the drama queen.

" _Spicy_ ," Minseok comments from his corner, eyes unfazed while his fingers type away at his phone. _Same though_.

Kyungsoo's hands fly to his hair, taken aback and pointedly ignoring the spectators. " _Excuse me_?" outrage colors his voice ( _oh, boy_ ) as he snaps, "at least _I_ don't strut around in eyeliner thick enough to choke someone."

"Ooohh," Luhan whistles, " _Kinky_."

"There are _minors_ present!" Junmyeon admonishes, covering a protesting Sehun's ears. "Keep your talks on those private matters among yourselves in an _indoor_ voice, please."

The Chinese man doesn't even try to look remotely guilty and merely shrugs, returning to his book. Luckily for Junmyeon, the request ( _order?_ ) seems to have a magical effect on everyone else, though, seeing as everything resumes as it once was, people minding their business and doing God-knows-what. _It's the power of the mom friend_.

Barely five seconds later after the peace is restored, Baekhyun opens his mouth again to say something ridiculous like the human disaster he is.

"Jesus _Christ_ , Soo-yah, don't expose me and my kinks."

The youngest among them raises his eyebrows. "Which? The choking or the eyeliner?"

" _What am I supposed to do with this information_?" Yifan splutters, questions, and considers driving his head through the table, wondering of where he could buy earplugs and memory bleach. "This is _unbecoming_ of a Korean citizen."

" _Both_ , Soo-yah. _God_ , get your facts right, bitch." Thankfully, there's _some_ semblance of remorse at the shameless exchange as he turns to the eldest. "...Sorry, Yifan-hyung." His expression is sheepish, a hesitant grin playing on his lips after he just exposed himself to a bunch of people. It's practically a miracle that his gay ass hasn't trended on Twitter or Naver.

Shaking his head, the Chinese man is a nice hyung so he merely reminds the younger, "Don't get yourself killed."

"—I don't think that's possible, hyung." Kyungsoo's lips twitch upwards, a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. "It's like he dies every time Chanyeol-ssi looks at him."

"I-I _don't_!" Baekhyun cries out, denying what seems to be the truth. The youngest's interjection causes a domino effect as words spill out of his mouth. "I-it's just that he's really cute and handsome and I can't handle looking at his face and he's so so nice—" His hands flail around in protest, eyes turning into saucers as he hastily shuts his mouth with a whine.

Baekhyun's plan to stop exposing himself is failing. Miserably.

"Panicked gay alert," Kyungsoo snorts, "just _confess_ already. It's more than likely that he'll say yes. Go ice skating or something, eat _jjajangmyun_ together."

"...But when?" he asks weakly.

"Do it _now_ for all I care. Our tutor called in for a vacation to spend time with her husband, anyway." The youngest shrugs, sipping his tea. "All we'll do is sing holiday songs to each other in an empty studio in sad attempts to reach a fourth octave. Instead, go have fun and make out under a mistletoe with your crush."

"But—!"

"No buts," Yifan interjects, cutting off his dongsaeng. "Kyungsoo's right. Plus, you should be enjoying life and not attending singing lessons and tutoring five days before _Christmas_. 'tis the season to be _jolly_ , fa la la la la, la la la la, and _not_ a depressed potato, fa la la la la, la la la la." _Aren't I such a hypocrite_ , he dryly thinks to himself, _I spend most of my free time sleeping and watching cat videos_. Dismissing the thought, he rationalizes that he has no love life and he's _Wu Yifan_ therefore all arguments against his logic are invalid.

The boy in question fiddles with his fingers, sinking into his seat. "That's true but what if he's busy? I don't want to disturb him, like if his family is over or something or he's on a date—"

"The only date Chanyeol-ssi will be having is with you." The maknae jabs his chopsticks at the elder's direction. "I could've sworn you were fawning over these ' _cute selfies from him, oh my God,_ look _, Soo-yah_ ' and crying over how ' _his parents are gone for the week and his sister is vacationing with friends, I want to shower him with cuddles and hugs_ '. I'm willing to make up an excuse if anyone asks why you're not killing your vocal chords with us."

"—I'm-I'm _shy_ , okay." Baekhyun releases a breath he's been holding in the sound of a whimper, hands tense and clutching his knees. There's a sound of shuffling as he curls his feet underneath the table in an unconscious instinct to curl up into a ball. "He's so amazing and I'm nothing compared to him, like—I don't know if he's going to say yes."

"He's going to say yes," the eldest firmly states, "or else he'll deal with us, all waiting in line to wipe the floor with him."

"Y-you don't need to do _that_ , hyung," the already soft voice goes softer, "he takes really good care of me already."

Yifan feels like combusting from the urge to lock lover boy and his crush in a closet.

"...Desperate times call for desperate measures," the maknae hisses under his breath enough for him to hear, "I need to tap into my inner Luhan-hyung. I'm sorry in advance, Yifan-hyung." _Oh, boy. This'll be a ride_.

He reaches to grip the sides of Baekhyun's face, turning him so they're face-to-face. "Do you like Park Chanyeol?" The bluntness of the question hits the diva square in the face, a darker shade of red coloring his cheeks.

"Um— _um_ , I don't know. I thi—"

" _With confidence_. Do you like Park Chanyeol?"

Baekhyun stares right back at his dongsaeng, incoherent words and stutters escaping his lips. "I-I, maybe? I'm not sure that I _like_ like him."

"He held your hand right?"

A slow and hesitant nod.

"He wrapped his arm around you, right?"

A blink or two before a deep nod.

"Does he make your heart flutter? Do you want to curl up together in front of a fireplace during winter wrapped in blankets? Do you want to bury yourself in his chest and hear his heart beat alongside yours?"

"...Y-yeah, yeah, ye—"

A myriad of emotions pass Baekhyun's face as he realizes and accepts the truth. He brings a hand up to his chest, pressing on the area above his heart. There's a torturous moment of silence and Yifan feels himself hold his breath in anticipation, studying the live drama he's witnessing in front of his very eyes.

With a small and barely audible voice, Baekhyun replies:

"Oh my God... I think I _like_ him."

 _Fina-fucking-lly_.

"Say it louder!" Kyungsoo demands, not missing a beat as he unhands his hyung's face, "prove it to the world! Let _everyone_ in this cursed building hear it! With more _power_!"

"...I like him."

"That sounds as fake as the news on TV; say it with more _feeling_! Make my ears bleed because I will not allow you to be this loud ever again so take this opportunity to let your heart out. Again!"

"I like him!"

"And _who_ do you like?"

"PARK CHANYEOL."

"Does he like you back?"

"Y-YES."

"I _heard_ that stutter. Louder for the people at the back, Byun Baekhyun!"

"YES."

"Good! Now, go get your man, hyung." The youngest nods approvingly and encouragingly, gesturing to the exit door.

Baekhyun stands up with a vigor, dusting his clothes. He speed cleans his section on the table, hands flying to organize the containers. Aggressively wiping away the droplets of soup from the surface, he hastily folds the tissue into a small square and places it at the corner of his tray. He lets out a victorious noise and the eldest can _hear_ crescendoing dramatic music blaring in the background as Baekhyun marches to the exit.

" _Jiāyóu_ , Baek-ah!" Yifan cheers, smiling widely. Because his dongsaeng is a flustered idiot, he bumps his side onto a table with a surprised yelp but keeps powering through nonetheless.

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Luhan cupping his mouth to scream at Baekhyun's retreating back. "Get yourself that dick, prostitute dearest! Use protection! I BELIEVE IN YOU." The holler is followed by a few wolf whistles and supportive screams.

"WISH ME LUCK"—as Baekhyun calls out, not paying attention to the vulgar advice in his quest to his crush, he nearly collides with Zitao at the doorway of the dining room, the latter nearly dropping his food while screaming bloody murder—" _shit_ , sorry Tao-yah. PRETEND I'M SICK OR SOMETHING. Cover for me!"


	8. baekhyun's word crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baekhyun's word crisis and his representation as the embodiment of a human disaster.

Byun Baekhyun has come to the realization that he's like the star of a cheesy Christmas romance movie.

Or a novel, doesn't really matter.

What does matter is the fact that he's running faster than his heart is racing to where he dropped off Chanyeol the previous day. Thinking about it, his plan of... running into the cold winter in nothing but a jacket (which is open and unzipped, mind you) is probably not the best idea ever. Then again, since when did he have _any_ good ideas?

 _For Chanyeol!_ his mind cheers, reminding him of the reason why he chose to sacrifice the warmth of a room with a heater in the first place.

That living beanstalk owes him hot chocolate and cuddles if all goes well.

 _It will, you anxious piece of shit_ , a voice that sounds suspiciously like Kyungsoo butts in. Baekhyun bites back a snarky reply to himself, telling himself that his dongsaeng may or may not have telepathic abilities and being a bitch will only come back to bite him in the ass. He's not going to risk any part of his beautiful body, thank you very much and have a nice day.

"Oh, shit, sorry!" he exclaims, looking up to realize he bumped into the wall of Chanyeol's apartment building.

 _Oops_.

Embarrassment prompts redness to color his cheeks as he stares at the very interesting pavement, refusing to check if anyone saw or heard his display of being a human disaster. He apologized to a concrete _wall_ , like, yeah, they can have feelings too or whatever but that will not end well for him if someone shares his gracefulness to the world via the internet.

 _Why is he even overthinking this?_ He's been spending too much time with Yixing-hyung.

As he enters the apartment building, pleased to find some escape from the frosty winds of winter, his whole body is wracked by a shiver and he exhales. A small puff appears in front of his lips as he does so, thus he pats his cheeks to get the blood flowing and blows at his palms before rubbing them together for heat. Yeah, _maybe_ not the best idea known to man to run into a snowstorm in the name of love.

Squaring his shoulders, Baekhyun rubs his sneakers on the floor mat and then marches to the elevator. "Right, okay, channel my inner Luhan-hyung. Use Soo-yah's wisdom... Pep talk; declare the truth confidently. I'm—I am Byun Baekhyun and I am gonna get my man."

He shakes his head. "No, no. Stuttering is bad, Soo-yah can hear it even across the ocean and _will_ stab you with a spatula later. Louder and with more _confidence_. You can do this, Baekhyun. I can do this. I am _Byun Baekhyun_ and I am gonna get my man." Pressing the up button, he taps his foot on the floor as the elevator descends.

"I am Byun Baekhyun and I'm gonna get my man!" Inhaling deeply, he says it louder and with more power. He points at his reflection on the elevator and jabs his finger in its direction. "I AM _BYUN BAEKHYUN_ AND I'M GONNA GET MY MAN—"

The elevator doors open.

Baekhyun lets out an inhumane squawk of surprise, face heating up even more in shame as he abruptly drops his outstretched hand.

"...You are _Byun Baekhyun_ and _you're_ gonna get _your_ man," Taehyung chirps with a hint of light playfulness in his voice. He gives his hyung a wide smile that radiates sunshine and happiness and a hidden _deviousness because he is a disrespectful dongsaeng who is secretly a sadist who wants to watch his hyung suffer, yes he is_. "Hello, Baekhyun-ssiii!"

The elder stammers in his attempt to string together a response that won't give him the urge to impulse buy twenty stationery notebooks and fifty packs of _washi_ tape to relieve his stress. "T-Taehyung-ssi," he greets, already off to a _fantastic_ start, "you don't have to be too respectful to me, just call me hyung, if you want."

His prayers of the subject changing from his screaming is answered by a miracle as Taehyung exits the elevator and beams, "Then you can call me Taehyung! Or any nickname, hyung, talk to me informally." The rectangular smile he's given is blinding and contagious happiness infects him like a virus.

"Okay, Tae-yah." Baekhyun manages to put together his composure to hide that his life is a Gay Mess like Sehun's hair that one time Minseok dared Yixing to use _all_ of the maknae's dye on Sehun. The end product was bright multicolored rainbow hair that was fairy and unicorn vomit mixed into one franken-hairstyle.

"That's the spirit!" Taehyung's sing song voice exclaims as he gives the elder a thumbs up. His eyes glance at his watch. "Wait, sorry. Excuse me, I really wanna hang out but I'm hanging out with Seokjin-hyung later and you gotta... _do your thing_."

Sidestepping, Baekhyun nods and politely makes way for the younger to go on with his day. Using his nonexistent power of telepathy, he hopes that he portrays his message of ' _Please don't embarrass me any further because I already have a grave ten feet in the ground ready for me_ ' loud and clear. Taehyung, _thankfully_ , seems to be on his side as the younger skips past him to go about his day and forget all about the clumsiness of Byun Baekhyun.

" _Ne._ " Baekhyun cranes his neck to call out to his dongsaeng, who turns to him with a curious expression. "Bye, Tae-yah, take care!" The younger flashes him another blinding rectangular smile, showing off the flawless and pearly white teeth to _die_ for.

"You're _Byun Baekhyun_ and _you're_ gonna get _your_ man! _Hwaiting_!"

At Baekhyun's gaping face and audible gasp, Taehyung takes the opportunity to turn and exit the premises, leaving the elder alone and feeling _incredibly_ attacked and betrayed right now.

" _Disrespectful dongsaeng_!" he cries out once he snaps out of his stupor, "I'll find some other cafe to cry over my exams! May you be unemployed!" That's a lie, and he can hear Taehyung laughing at the prospect of it; Café Universe has some of the greatest drinks conceived by man and is the perfect place to study useless algebraic shit and weep over qualification exams. Still, though, he's gonna get revenge on all the _disrespect_ he's been receiving for the past days or so.

 _Just you wait_ , he thinks as he aggressively presses the button for the elevator doors and enters it.

Glaring at the security camera, he's wary that it'll grow a mouth and join in the crusade of roasting his ass until it's practically burned barbecue. Baekhyun selects Chanyeol's floor and keeps all his pep talks internal in case the doors bust open and someone he knows is standing there with a camera to immortalize him. At least the brief exchange with his dongsaeng gave him some time to clear his head and revert his attention elsewhere, soothing his nerves from the electricity pulsing through them.

He plays with his fingers, a nervous habit that he's been doing a lot lately. Intertwining and curling his slender fingers with one another, he suddenly wonders what it would feel like to play with Chanyeol's hair— _Focus!_ he scolds himself.

 _It'd probably feel soft between my fingers_ , the other side of his mind ignores his reprimanding as his thoughts are invaded by a man with big ears, a big heart, and a beautiful smile. _Think about it, Baekhyun: he's like a cute oversized golden retriever that can secretly kill you with his gaze—_

_Ding!_

Baekhyun startles and nearly falls on his butt as the elevator doors spring open on his chosen floor.He's in a _hapkido_ ready stance prepared to fight someone when he remembers that he's alone and looks nothing short of stupid.

Dropping his stance, he bows his head slightly at the security camera, embarrassed that someone may look at the feed in the future and find what looks to be a young adult male fighting an elevator. _Everything's going well for Baekhyun today, thank you for your concern._

Speed walking out of the glorified box, he glances at the legend and takes a right, locating Chanyeol's apartment. Patting his pockets for his phone, it comes to his attention that he _doesn't have it_. Groaning, he recalls typing ( _his crush's_ ) Chanyeol's address in his contacts, and so he's left to a gamble of praying that the address he remembers is correct.

Raising a fist to the door, he knocks.

 _BANG. BANG. BANG_.

The sound of his knuckles against the surface is loud and he winces. _Oops, too loud?_ Then, he panics. _Oh, no. What if Chanyeol is sleeping and I just disturbed his beauty sleep and now he's mad at me and doesn't want to be friends anymore—_

The door opens.

Baekhyun screams in the highest octave known to man.

"Oh my fucking _God_. _Please_ tell me you're going to confess to Yoda or I'm throwing you out the window." Chanyeol's friend is standing there with raised eyebrows and exasperation written all over his face.

Stopping his yelling, the elder shuts his mouth to formulate a reply that sounds like Korean. "Um, _um_ , yes"—his mind blanks out as he attempts to remember a name—"J-Jonggay-ssi."

" _Jonggay_?"

Baekhyun sees his entire life flash before his eyes and has a flashback of his bloody escape from the uterus.

"Well, shit, man. It's Jong _dae_ , _dae_ not _gay_. Try to keep the exposing to a minimum, Baekhyun-ssi." The amused twinkle in Jong _dae'_ s eyes is what prompts Baekhyun to tentatively and warily add the other in the growing list of participants dedicated to the cause and mission of the Expose Byun Baekhyun Campaign.

"I'm—sorry, oh my God, sorry, J-Jongdae-ssi. I'm just here to-to—" _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ Why is his native language suddenly gibberish to him? Work, brain, _work_! All the confidence and remaining shreds of dignity he thought he has are already chipping themselves away as he deflates.

"Confess to Chan?"

The elder tenses like a Luhan caught in headlights before nodding vigorously in agreement. Jongdae's relieved grin soothes him slightly as he opens the door and makes way. "Just making sure you're not completing a hit list. Go get yourself that dick, Byun Baekhyun."

He's around two feet into the apartment before Jongdae loudly declares, "Oh, and, if you break Chan's heart, I'll break your face with your SHINee albums. His room is the door with the bigass picture of _samgyeopsalat._ " The promise bordering a threat makes the hair on Baekhyun's arms stand up and he nods, rather fond of his face and his impeccable Shawol Shrine.

 _Shit, Taemin's not gonna agree to replace Sehun if their CDs get disrespected like that_.

"U-understood."

Trudging through the rather _nice_ flat and its furniture, he enters a hallway and finds the door he's looking for.

Only then does feel his hands clamp up, sweaty and the temperature rising. Is it time to regret his actions? Maybe he can turn back and sing Christmas carols instead of facing what will either be his death or resurrection, except he isn't a messiah sent to cleanse the world of its sins.

Raising his fist, he lightly taps it against the door, the sound of thudding almost inaudible. _Tap, tap, tap._ He hears shuffling through the thin walls and a few bumps. In the few seconds of terrifying silence, he begins writing his will with the consent to donate Oh Sehun to any willing bidder and the proceeds of the auction will go to local charities.

" _Baekhyunnie_?"

His heart jumps to his throat as he meets Chanyeol's wide eyes. Suddenly, breathing is hard for him as he just _stares_ , undeniably starstruck by the way the light casts delicate shadows on the taller's face. It's like looking up into the heavens and catching a glimpse of an angel. The pounding in his chest and ears have got to be hearable from fifty miles away because they're loud and insistent and refuse to go away.

"C-come in, please," Chanyeol stammers and he can't help the fond feeling in his chest when the younger ushers him in the room. "Did you just, um, decide to come here?"

If someone else asked that, Baekhyun would've put on an act on how his presence should be appreciated and _worshipped_ ; except _Chanyeol's_ asking so what comes out of his mouth is something along the lines of, "...Yeah, I'm, ah, sorry if it's sudden." He answers in a small voice, directing his eyes to the decor of the bedroom to distract himself.

Small knick-knacks decorate the desk, albums of kpop, American, and other artists are arranged spotlessly atop the shelves, and there's the elephant in the room of a bigass TVXQ! poster above Chanyeol's bed.

Like, _directly_ over the bed so that whenever someone is to lay down, they'll look up and have the Rising Gods of the East bless their eyeballs with godly visuals. The fact that it features them as five hurts Baekhyun's heart a little, but he'd rather be damned than be accused of being some sort of fake fan. His wallet is shriveling up into a prune as the days go on but he can always leech off of Junmyeon to support his musical escapades.

"...hyunnie. _Baekhyunnie_."

Blinking and reconnecting with the world, Baekhyun turns around and nearly belts a high note again at their proximity. "N- _ne_?" He moves back a bit for some space to breathe because even bare-faced Chanyeol still manages to pierce his heart with his handsomeness. _That messy hair look should be illegal_.

"Never mind."

Chanyeol is clearly being eaten up by curiosity but is all too polite to push for an explanation. Guilt churns in Baekhyun's stomach, egging him on to spill out word vomit to profess his undying love for the taller, who has his hands clasped in front of him in a respectful stance. How does he word a thousand thoughts? A million expressions of his intense adoration?

Baekhyun takes a brave step closer, legs as heavy as rock and refusing to stop shaking. The taller makes no move to stop him; he takes that as a good sign.

"Um..." The elder bites his lip, unsure of what to do with his flailing hands. "I—uh—" He looks down only to see Chanyeol's big hands enclosing his small ones.

 _Ba-dump_.

Snapping his head back up, he feels his face heat up even more. Chanyeol's hands are soft and nice, pleasant to hold and his thumbs are rubbing soothing patterns onto Baekhyun's skin. The younger's dark eyes are patient and understanding, and Baekhyun can see the galaxy, stars, and meteors in those dark pools the shade of the abyss.

There's an electric current sizzling in his soul as they keep their eye contact, enamored by one another.

He's pulled by a mysterious tug in his gut; a strange _knowing_ that he can share the secrets of the universe with Chanyeol and trust that he'll lock it away in the depths of his heart for no one else to ever discover. Baekhyun caves in after a moment of silence, weak to his stubborn will and murmurs:

"I- _I think I like you_."

He holds his breath as a multitude of emotions pass Chanyeol's face. The hands holding his own squeeze his palms lightly and his heart outruns the speed of light, thinking he imagined the subtle comforting gesture.

"Baekhyunnie," Chanyeol's voice is like a light through the fog, cutting through the swirling regret and doubt in his mind, " _I like you too_."

 _Uh, what_.

Blinking once, Baekhyun blinks again, slowly this time.

His heart stops for a few seconds when he processes the other's words. All at once, he's overwhelmed with a roaring fire in his ears and an endearing feeling in his chest as the worry etched on Chanyeol's face disappears, the creases of doubt unfolding when Baekhyun gives him a smile.

"...May-may I please kiss you?"

The polite wording makes his chest hurt with a bubbling feeling of affection. "Y-yes, please do," Baekhyun answers, shuffling his feet a bit when the taller's eyes shine with joy.

He stands on the tips of his toes as Chanyeol bends down. They meet in the middle and it's awkward and they nearly bump their noses with each other but it doesn't really matter because _Park Chanyeol is kissing him, holy shit_. Baekhyun finds words to be overrated because he can't think straight ( _ha ha ha. Straight? I don't know her_ ) from the way his thoughts melt away and the world around them turns irrelevant.

'Fireworks' aren't what he feels, like what those dramas and manga Sehun obsesses over tell him. Instead, there's a warmth in his chest; a searing spark of fondness blooming and spreading through his body. His head is light, high in the clouds and on dopamine and all that other happy hormone shit Minseok overworks the coffee machine for. It's not explosive, but it's all as hell addictive.

Who pulls away first is irrelevant because what's more important is that Chanyeol seems to have gotten a thousand times cuter with his flushed cheeks and wide eyes. The elder might need a heart transplant at this rate. There's a sparkle in Chanyeol's eyes brighter than the sun yet it fills him with giddiness.

_Communicate your joy, Baekhyun! Words! Profess your undying admiration!_

"...That was, um, that was really nice."

Yes, this is the lyrical prowess that human disaster and aspiring artist Byun Baekhyun possesses.

Before he can panic over his loss of Korean skills, Chanyeol's chuckle brings up his grades, cures his acne, and gives him perfect 20/20 vision. There's a desire to hear that noise again as the taller lets out that melodic sound of laughter. He hopes to hear that sound more often.

"It was." Chanyeol bites his lip, cheeks puffing out and the shorter suppresses the urge to pinch them. Looking thoughtful, he cocks his head to the side, inquiring, "Do you—um—are you busy? Like, today, later?"

"I-I actually have vocal lessons"— _actually I think I'm supposed to be there right now but that's not important_ —"but I can always skip." Ms. Lee isn't even _present_ today, so he won't miss anything if he pretends to be sick for one session. Kyungsoo will cover for him (at least he hopes so or heavens forbid Baekhyun burn that egghead's precious cactus garden).

"Wait, _this_ close to Christmas?" Incredulousness colors those words. "What kind of forced labor are you going through?"

"Well, it's not so bad," Baekhyun reassures, flattered by the concern, "I have to do this if I want to pass the entrance exam and get into SOPA." One of the most prestigious performing arts schools in Seoul will barely glance at his application if he's tone-deaf and barely able to belt a high note. Therefore, he willingly deals with drills that leave his throat dead, singing English songs and even belting in _Thai_ and _Mandarin_.

Rest in pieces, his vocal chords.

Admiration shines in the taller's eyes. "You're so... _hardworking_."

"I mean, it's-it's not that impressive," he dismisses the praise and his eyes go downcast. There _are_ still things he needs to work on; the airiness of his high notes, his shakiness going above or below his range, posture, and his good ol' friend, stage fright. There are plenty of singers out there better than him. A _lot_ of singers.

Before he can descend into another trip to darkness, Chanyeol squeezes his hands. " _I_ think you're an amazing singer. You're working so hard."

The elder freezes, untrusting of himself to look up. "Thank you."

Chanyeol suddenly begins to fidget, feet digging holes onto the floor. "Do you—um—do you want to go ice skating? I know a place that isn't crowded." He then adds, "B-but you can say no if you want to. I'm not forcing you or anything."

"Sure, I'd love to go." It takes the willpower of not eating food before a movie starts to not stammer in his reply. Baekhyun brings his head up to nod and the happy smile that reaches ear-to-ear on Chanyeol's face makes him smile as wide too.

Then, it finally hits him that this is an invitation to a _date_.

 _Is this a date? Wait, wait, wait,_ what _. Oh my God, I look haggard and indecent. Then again, when do I even look decent? I'm poor and don't remember the contents of my wallet, if I have any. How to be romantic? What is romance? What if I become a human disaster in public? This is bad._

He's dazed and running on autopilot as Chanyeol lets his hands go and escorts him out of his apartment. The high rush from the confession is disappearing and it's replaced by a mob of butterflies. Where would be a great place to bury himself? His corpse would act as a great fertilizer.

"...Baekhyunnie?"

"—Yes?" Baekhyun blinks rapidly, discovering that he's been blasting a hole into the elevator floor number indicator.

"Does this mean we're boyfriends now?"

"Boyfriends?" he repeats as they exit the elevator, having accepted his fate. "Well, yes, we're boyfriends now, Chanyeollie."

_I... like the sound of that, actually._

_Boyfriends._


End file.
